I'm not surprised to hear that she panicked when you stopped calling her. She's had a long pattern of doing that--pursuing you as soon as you provide distance. You mention you don't want to be angry or vengeful with your X, but I don't see providing constant emotional support for your X or anger as your only 2 options. I think your W is a cake-eater. She wants all the positives of M & family with you: emotional support, and family activities with you and your boys, etc. without the committment, loyalty etc that you would experience in a true marriage.
I do think the healthiest thing for you and your family would be to distance yourself from your X-and by that I mean more than a day or 2. And allow her to feel the consequences of D. But I think I've said this before to you, huh?
