Don't blame, don't be snarky, just go on a fact-finding mission and ask questions, like a reporter.
She may say vague things like, "I feel trapped" or "I hate all the obligations," etc. Ask her HOW she feels trapped and WHAT obligations. Dig deeper. You're trying to get inside her head.
Again, don't judge, don't condemn. She's acting this way for a reason, and you're trying to get to the root of the problem. She may not be able to articulate what the problem IS, may not have the right words for it, but this exercise might give you some insight.
How do you win someone to YOUR way of thinking? By seeing things THEIR way first (Dale Carnegie, "How to Win Friends and Influence People").
