H and the kids finally connected and they just left to spend the night and morning tomorrow with him for Father's Day.
I was on the computer when H got here and he actually sought me out. All chipper and happy...he asked if doing the branches was a pain (ya think?) then D11 said that the A/C wasn't working right (I wasn't going to ask him for help) so he took a look and it is not a simple fix so told him not to worry about it tonight.
Kids went on out to the car and he mentioned how good the flowers were looking etc. and then asked how everything else was going. It was a general question so I gave him a general answer, "fine" and he said "I still care, I don't want you to think I don't" and something else, can't remember how he said it but meaning he didn't want us to not get along. I just nodded and then we talked about S14 for a little bit.
H also mentioned he was going to buy dog food but saw that I had already gotten some and that he would have had to wait until payday anyway cause he was out of money...a "why?" popped out of my mouth (crap...didn't mean to ask a ?) and he shrugged and said hospital bills etc.
Then he talked about the rental house and getting busy with that...
That is the most he has talked to me in WEEKS. And the first time he mentioned that he still cares since January.
I promise that I am cool...no expectations...at all. In fact, it kinda brought me down a little...
The best part of the whole thing was that OW was waiting out in the car the whole time in the heat!!!!!
Now trying to decide whether to meet SIL or not...there are going to be lots of H's old friends etc. there and do I want to deal with the "where's your H?" questions...
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So..my SIL convinced me to go. Told her I'd call when I got there and it went to vm so I was torn...do I walk in by MYSELF and look for her or do I just go home?
I walked in, knew the girl taking money and chatted with her for a few, walked around and find SIL...still early, not much happening yet so we walk around and run into several people I have not seen in years!!! Was good to see them, only a couple asked where my old man was!
Then ran into some former co-workers and had so much fun catching up...SIL found some of her old classmates to talk to so we were good!
On the way home, just had this sadness...this is the town where I met H, a lot of these people were his friends...
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(((CW))), Well, if the kids went out to the car ow knew H wasn't in the house talking to them. Leaving her out there in the heat while he was probably didn't please her any.
I understand how having H talk to you could bring you down a little. You see a little flash of the old H and he throws out a crumb. It brings back those memories that you've tried so hard to put away.
More of the MLC craziness when your H states, I wouldn't want us to not get along. Well H, gee you left us for ow, you're living with her and you want to D me. Yes H, that's the basis for a beautiful friendship. I've heard similar from my H.
CW, you handled yourself with grace and dignity throughout your whole day. Take some time to feel and process it all.
Your PMA will be back soon. You can't keep it from shining through for long beautiful lady!
Wow, CW you sure handled yourself well when H was trying to talk to you and "be nice." I mean instead of getting sucked in, you kept your distance and showed him you weren't falling over him, if that makes sense. You are showing him that even though life is hard for you and the kids, you are strong and will get over him so he better watch out! Do you see what I mean?
And I totally could relate when it just slipped out when you asked "Why?" I have totally just asked a q automatically without really wanting to know the answer!
But the BEST is hearing that OW was waiting in the car! In the heat! And having to know he was in there, talking to you and the kids! Remember, even though they are with our Hs, they will ALWAYS be threatened by our existence and jealous! Seriously! I remember when I dated a divorced man and although I knew he and his ex were DONE, it still made me feel jealous when they had to communicate or when she would show up! And I was a legitimate, honest girlfriend- not a cheating mistress!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
ok...will try this again...have had thunderstorms rolling through and lost posts twice now...maybe I am not meant to post today!
Thankyou SA and NM for your confidence and kinds words! I admit that I question myself after every convo with H...
I really did have a great time last night and so glad that I decided to go! Got some compliments from people that saw me 35bls ago and an old co-workers H couldn't believe that I was a grandma so that was good for the pma and self-esteem!
I realized on the drive home that I used to have fun with these people pre-H...when he and I met and M...we became out of touch and I totally relied on H...not good!!!
Hope everyone is having a great FAther's Day!!!!
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I agree with SA and NM. You held your head high and attended the party with old friends. I grew up in a small town in Wisconsin so I know how everyone knows everybody else's business but you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your presence there spoke volumes to everyone about what a classy lady you are...........Think about how everyone respects Sandra Bullock's handling of her H's philandering. Well done!
I love the part about the ow waiting in a hot car. I'm guessing she let your H know how she felt later.
How close are you with SIL? Is she still being an aunt to your children?
My SIL and I were close at one time. In 2001 when my H had his first A, I called her for support and she came and tried to get to the bottom of things and it kinda affected hers and H's relationship. She had always been there for him, bought things for him, slipped him money etc. and she has always been there for my SS and still is. She is one of those that will call when she is 5mins from your house to say "surprise, I am here!" etc. and that would drive H crazy! So, they kinda grew apart a little and I followed H's lead in that! Dumb
SIL feels sorry for our kids so yes, she is being there for them. At one time, we had said if something happened to both of us, we would want her to be the kids guardian. Now, we would have SS and DIL.
So, no matter what happens with H and I, I know I can count on her to be there for the kids if they need her!
Yeah, OW waiting in the hot car for 20mins or so is kinda funny!
Now, today when H dropped the kids off, he was back to his normal in a hurry self! I had to go clean the shop where I work so tried to time it so I'd be gone when he brought the kids home and wouldn't you know it, I got home about 5 mins ahead of them! Dangit! He didn't finish looking at the A/C and I didn't remind him...
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CW - great that H spent Father's day with kids. I wonder why he picked the day OW was waiting in the car to spend the time and talk to you? hmmmm...Love that the OW was made to wait....small satisfaction I guess....
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Have been out all day working on the yard...it is a big one and gets away from you if you haven't been on top of it which is hard to do when it is raining everyday for several days!
Went to get the blower to blow away some of the grass etc and it is gone. I am SO PO'd that H is doing all this crap for OW (B-turd!) and I am struggling here trying to keep up with everything here! IF I had extra money, I'd hire myself a lawn boy but I don't so am really losing any PMA that still remains!!!!
Ok...done whining...working on supper and having a nice, cold Busch Light...when I am done with supper, I am going to go sit on the deck and drink another BL and admire my yard!!!!
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CW - Your H took the blower and didn't tell you? He must know that you are using it around the house, right? And then he goes and uses it at OW's house...doing work there that he should be doing at his own house? B-Turd is right....
Well we already know that nothing they do should surprise us anymore...it's just so irritating and inconsiderate.
Relax and enjoy the brew
cheers
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