Button pusher pushes to get the reaction out of the person. My question is what does it give them other than the pleasure of knowing they did it? Are they able to steal our emotions or something crazy like this?
It depends upon many, many things about the person. IMHO, it gives the button pusher a sense of "control" over you by triggering some emotion in you. They get some inner satisfaction at knowing they can affect you that much. Some may not realize they are truly getting a sense of victory, control, satisfaction or whatever....but they do. Even when it is not the result that the button pusher was seeking, I believe many continue to "push". But, if their tactics no longer works on your reaction, then they will run out of things to do and finally give up.
If you look at these threads of LBS's, you can usually tell when the WAS is pushing buttons big time. That is why it's hard to play it cool--drop the rope, etc.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I appreciate your analysis of the actions of the WAS and LBS. It really does make sense.
I use to react, but now I just do my own thing and not worry as much. I still have some more growing and learning to to, but I have made progress.
Well, the next couple of months will be even tougher. I have to resist using the credit cards except related to my kids. I hope to receive unemployment to cushion the blow. Seriously, I will be living on peanut butter sandwiches and chicken broth. Yummy! I know I can do anything. I have to get my loan and a job soon. I need to survive and thrive during my divorce. I cannot react. I have to look at my options and alternatives. I will not be away from my kids, and W will not hold all the cards anymore. I will be okay.
It feels good to at least look for ways I can control my life again. I need that more than I need her. She is just a memory that I hope will be living her life separately from me, so I can just sleep peacefully and enjoy my life for me and the kids.
That is all I want now. It will be a nice change. I cannot wait to start.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Another thing that STBXW does that is so annoying is lay in the room and do nothing but watch DVD's on Taboos around the world. I guess she can't stand to be around me as much as I can't stand to be near her either. I am glad and hope she never comes out. I am sure I won't be that lucky.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Since the OSC, my STBXW is trying to be a saint and buy a bunch of food and start cooking. She is trying to make herself look good for the hearing. She makes me want to puke. I so detest the woman. I could not imagine ever feeling this way about somebody let alone her.
We do not wear shoes inside, so I wore mine tonight, and it so terribly upset her tonight. I am glad. It is the one thing have done that pushed her to be angry, and I simply ignore her. She does not talk to me for anything nice, so I did not feel like talking to her about something unless it is pleasant to me.
I am going to figh for my kids. I am looking at coming up with a way for a high powered attorney to put pressure on her. I think I have found a way to hire him. He will take the case for less. He finds my case very noble, and he wants to help me. I have to do it.
She is also interferring in the way I am taking care of the the kids. I am annoyed because I do a great job, except when she gets involved.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I have to get my attorney soon. He will get the OM in a deposition and destroy him. I hope they do it real good. He deserves it. They will not expect this. It is going to hit them in their A where they will not be happy. I am going to stick it to them. I am not finished by a longshot.
I do not even acknowledge my W anymore. I will never be with her again no matter what she does or says. It is over. I can confidently say that. I am fully detached.
I did enough to upset her tonight to call her parents. I hope the judge will see through her act.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I am doing really good. I was P!ssed last night, but today I am amused.
Father's Day started good. I woke up early and the kids had two cakes they decorated for me, and a nice gift from D. It was great.
In the afternoon after playing with the kids and W actually participating, I had fun. W then says, "The kids and I would like to take you to lunch. She said I can just give you the money, and you can take the kids by yourself." I said it is okay if you go with not much enthusiasm. The kids wanted to go to the beach too. I said okay.
I knew that STBXW had been texting the OM, so I do not look at it as any great thing. I paid for the kids to take her out on Mother's Day just the three of them. I know it was not from the goodness of her heart. The MIL talked to her the night before, so she is just playing her hand a little too hard. I also noticed her going to the bathroom and had her cell phone in her pocket at the beach, so she is just trying to play sweet to me because the Order to Show Cause filed with the court. She will do these games until the hearing I am sure. I do not see any changes.
We did not talk much at lunch, and she was polite to offer me a towel and polite the whole day actually. It was the nicest she has been in awhile and the most we have talked in awhile. I do not want her back, so it does not matter, and the OM is still in the picture, so I believe nothing she says and does. I did not have any high hopes. I saw the phone in her pocket, and I just did not care.
Tomorrow will be a new day. Back to my fight for the kids and against her and the OM. I do not intend to take false gestures from her to mean anything. I am done with her and my M. I am about the kids and winning my D.
I have been disrespected for too long to care about her anymore. She just looks rediculous all the cute crap she pulls.
Today was nice for the kids, so I was happy they had a good day as a family.
D does get mad at W and defends me alot these days. My S worries about a girl cheating on him someday because I was stupid and said something about that when it all began and he heard. He also said, "he does not want a woman to treat him badly. W was shocked and looked a little embarrassed. We do not talk about this at all with or in front of the kids since then. It was a mistake, and it has not been repeated.
W also said to the kids that they have a great father, and he takes very good care of you.
She is now on the phone with her parents, so I wonder what she is up too. I have to be very cautious because she is just being smarter, or she thinks she is. I will not fall for the BS from her now or in the future.
Last edited by LSG; 06/21/1005:20 AM.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I'm very glad you had a good father's day, LSG. I'm also glad that your kids realize the great father they have.
You sound so much better recently. That makes things easier on you to do what you need to do. Easier on the kids, too. You can be more relaxed around them and the STBXW and not let things bother you and can concentrate on your relationship with them.
Keep up the good work. Keep up the job search. Something great can come out of this, I know it.
