The saga continues

[OfficerInNeed]

"Sometimes I do things on purpose to see how you will react to them."

This is what I was talking about in your previous thread. This, to me, is just a byproduct of your previous controlling behavior. She's basically rebelling and making a point to push your buttons so she can stand up to you. I think you're doing well. Don't engage her in an argument over this. Continue to affirm that you really want a better partnership and communication in the future. I personally think you're out of the woods. I would continue to treat her well and with respect and continue to require her to do the same.

Thanks for the reply.

Yeah I just don't know how to handle it. She is a smart woman and knows what she is doing. She has done a lot of button pushing, mainly in the form of communication and the other being lack of affection.

If I react then W proves a point if I don't react then our communication suffers. If I call W out on disrespect then to her I am reacting and point proven. W does not see this as a "respect" thing but more as me being controlling.

Communication has improved but there are times when W throws in the occasional "umm hmm", "hmmm" and all that and I had a feeling it was intentional but was unsure how to respond. I know she gets my point and moving forward I will let it ride unless it is extreme.

giving the developments in the past 3 weeks it is hard to imagine W still leaving the home. Today W and I brought some of her grandmothers things home that FIL found in the old house he is fixing up. W and I plan to incorporate them somehow in our home/garden.

W also purchased a coffee maker so when FIL comes and visits (something FIL suggested we did long ago way before sitch began).

I want to start building with W but unsure how to approach it. I would like to start being affectionate again. Is it too much right now to try and hold W's hand and see what her reaction might be? I have a feeling she might test me and reject it, that is why I am so hesitant to try. I know this seems so small compared to other sitches but somehow we need to break through our current state and move forward.