"there moods change a lot especially if they sense we are getting close or maybe if they feel something for us I dnt know"
Talk about major understatement. Last night was friendly, fun, my wife was making references to 'family' a lot, etc...but tonight was a mess. My wife is getting ready to go to China for three weeks with our 2-year old daughter. She was at home this afternoon and, at one point, asked me to get a suitcase out for her. So, I go to the closet and pull out a large and medium-sized suitcase. I picked the larger suitcase to give to her because, in my mind, more room is better. We have always taken basic goods to give to her parents when we've travelled together to China - basic stuff like coffee, candies, etc... That turned out to be a near fatal mistake. My wife started yelling about how inconsiderate I am, how I lack common sense, and should have known better than to get her a big, heavy suitcase that will put her over the airline weight limit. She was pissed. Then, to make matters worse, I tried to give her two cans of coffee and a bottle of fish oil pills that I had bought for her parents, and that pissed her off even more. She refused to take them because she had already bought some of the same items. The heart-breaking part was her getting mad about something we've always done for her parents...together. (i.e. the coffee, fish oil pills) Before she moved out she had (still has?) convinced herself that her parents have never liked me, that I hate them (not true), and all kinds of other nonsense.
Long story story short, the alien was in full force. I know her anger about the suitcase was nothing more than her trying to project her guilt on me. It tells me that she's still caught up in the EA with DJ from China. It's out of my hands, but of course I fear the worst (i.e. physical affair) if/when she goes to see him. There is a part of me that feels compassion towards my wife. Her mind and emotions are sooooo twisted and confused, and it's painful to see her go through this. I feel mostly pity for my wife when I think of how far "out there" it is for her to have to continually lie to herself about a 'soul-mate' she hasn't spent one damn day with in the real world in literally 22+ years - a so-called 'soul-mate' who divorced his own wife to project his own fantasies and selfish desires onto my wife. It's sickening, makes me very angry at DJ (the guy in China), but mostly it makes me feel sadness for my wife. It must be unbearable for her to have to lie to herself every day, so that the fantasy stays real in her mind, and so that she can justify her bad behavior.
That makes me think of a question (or two or three) to ask you all. How do you all see this playing out while my wife is in China? Specifically, how is my wife going to physically look at a guy she hasn't seen in 22+ years...convince herself it's really love...then face her parents and explain that our separation has nothing to do with her affair...and then come up with the BIG lie of explaining to her parents, "Hey mom and dad, by the way, do you remember DJ? He's the guy I dated for a few months.....when I was 17 years old....oh, and we're in love and we're a couple now even though we haven't seen each other in 22+ years. Yes, it's true love. What's that mom?! You ask me what happened to his wife? Oh, wellllllll, it just so happened that they divorced about 4 months ago, and it has nothing to with my separation with my husband. No, really! It was all a series of coincidences and fate that brought us together. What's that mom?! You ask how me and DJ can be a couple when I'm still married to Gil? Ummmm.....welll....uhhhh....soul-mate.....true love.....Chinese culture....Seeeee....it all makes sense right dad? Right mom?!" How is she going to tell that lie and not get caught?
Man, that has got be a serious mind f*@k for my wife. In any case, does anyone here have any thoughts on how my wife's three week trip might play out? Do I have any hope that her parents and brother will be able to see things for what they really are and, God willing, knock some sense into her crazy ass? As long as they're honest, all opinions, good or bad, all welcome. Thanks.
