The thing is EC, people show interest in things they are wary of when they see a POSITIVE RESPONSE from others... they watch someone ELSE walk across the shaky bridge FIRST...
Having seen it can be traversed they THEN make the journey across, slowly with reservation.
You have to go on your OWN so he sees our example... way too many people want to go as a couple and I strongly discourage that :
a. Waiting for your spouse to want to go holds back progress b. There is a high risk of exposing your spouse to bad therapy on the first session
Go on your own to set an example and to interview the FT...
Your H doens't even know what FT IS right now.. he needs to learn THAT first... Print up a few articles on what family therapy IS...
My wife wanted us to go to FT years ago and I didn't want to go, I knew we had problems but I resisted. Unfortunately, she chose to not go because I didn't go... The affair may have been avoided had I been motivated to do the research etc...
Neither of us were doing that research, and we didn't have the funds to go either. But she was waiting for ME to WANT to go, so neither of us went.
Don't wait for him to want to go... Print up articles on marriage therapy for yourself, LEAVE them lying AROUND in YOUR WORK AREA.. I guarantee you he will read them... When you aren't there...
Bring Family Therapy to your HOME, don't wait for the mountain to come to Mohammed... (I think I got that right)
Don't try to educate him, print up what you want him to learn and leave it around so he can learn it at his own pace... In his own way...
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Do NOT do his homework for him though... You are doing research for this man's pain problems and he's CHEATING ON YOU... You are NOT HELPING your MARRIAGE by BABYING this guy... STOP THAT
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The probelms in your marriage aren't just the affair.. Your Husband needs to GROW UP.... YOU need to BACK OFF so he DOES his OWN WORK and CAN grow up...
IGNORE HIM and his PROBLEMS until he stops CHEATING... You are ENABLING HIM... The message you are sending right now is :
a. I cheat on her b. She does my homework for me
Is THIS the MESSAGE you want him to GET?
DETACH from him and his drama until he STOPS CHEATING
I see this so often, someone turns the marriage upside down with a painful affair, the LBS wants the spouse back so bad they start HELPING him as MUCH as they CAN...
This is called CO DEPENDENCY and its NOT HEALTHY for you two... BREAK it OFF NOW
