Very interested in the techniques that Larry is teaching. Sounds very much like what I always thought from the gut, but then when I read up on exposing A's, etc., I figured I had not been educated enough on the subject. And as an AWAW, it still stung to think about "exposure".
Hi Sandi - it's been a WILD ride!
Larry DOESN'T advocate exposure - I exposed before I found him. His techniques focus more on getting to the root of the problem, fixing it, thus rendering the OP powerless and obsolete. We're not there YET, but I'm seeing progress every day.
In fact, something happened today that made me do a double-take.
There's a chapter in Steve Harvey's book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" that really hit home for me: introductions. Harvey says that how a man introduces you reveals your position in his life. When he's in love with you, he's possessive and will introduce you as "My girlfriend", "My wife", "The Love of My Life", etc. When he's not in love with you, he'll introduce you by first name only.
I've been on a first name basis for a while now and usually have to add, "his wife." One time he stood and talked to a colleague for ten minutes with me by his side and never introduced us. When I chided him for it later, he said, "He doesn't need to know you." Nice, huh?
Today he was in a horse show. He didn't invite me to come, but he took the two younger children. I decided to go later and surprise him and had braced myself for seeing OW there, because last time he excluded me from something, it was because he'd invited her instead. She wasn't there, and he actually smiled when I strolled over to where he was standing, talking to another couple. "You made it! A, this is J and her father K, C's family. J and K, this is my wife, A." I smiled and said hello, but my mind was racing back to what Steve Harvey had said.
I decided not to read too much into it. Maybe he was just putting on a show for them. But no, whenever I stopped to chat with someone, many of whom I know from previous shows, he'd keep wandering back to check on me and join in the conversation. One couple with whom he works and who knows of our trouble kept exchanging "What in the world?!" looks between them. It was funny.
At one point, the man in that couple said something that made me laugh out loud. WH looked at me, startled. His expression said it all: he hadn't heard me laugh like that in a LONG time. That another man had been the reason for it was completely unacceptable. He then turned on the charm to ensure that HE got the last laugh from me, which he did. It was adorable.
The afternoon was easy and drama-free and as he helped with dinner (rare), he told me all about the things he has going on at work. It felt like old times. Bliss!
Originally Posted By: sandi2
So, I join the others in anticipation of all you are learning and sharing with us. I also agree that the student will be through with your H when she doesn't need him any longer. But he isn't convinced of that, apparently, and your patient is running thin about the finances. But....30 days! Wouldn't that be wonderful?
OW should be done in December, which is still 6 months too long at this point, LOL! The sooner she's gone, the better.
The finances ARE annoying right now, but this too shall pass. Once he's decided he's growled and stomped and asserted his authority long enough, things will become more agreeable. I know him - this is just too much work to keep up with, which is why it landed in my lap all those years ago.
As for StopYourDivorcein4weeks.com, I certainly feel like we've turned things around in the last 4 weeks! I had hoped this whole saga would be over and done with in 30 days, but that's NOT what Larry promised - he said he'd STOP the divorce, NOT deliver "happily ever after" in 30 days. I believe he's done that. I honestly don't think we're on the road to divorce any more.
We haven't reconciled, WH is still sleeping in the basement, but the tenor between has changed DRAMATICALLY. We're actually speaking civilly again instead of launching verbal pot shots at each other. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells any more.
Yes, he's still doing things to annoy me, and yes, I have to get on here and rant and rave sometimes, but I have to remind myself that I'm taking this class ALONE. He's still in the MLC/OW fog and isn't looking to change. It's all up to me. So how much power does one person have? Well, given how far we've come in the last 30 days, I anticipate we'll actual CELEBRATE our anniversary on July 26th instead of avoiding it like we did last year.
Maybe I'm waxing poetic here, but it was a really, REALLY good day. Haven't felt this good in AGES! Let's see if we can keep it going...
