I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

just journaling:
stbxWH came to pick up S. I let him in, and went to wash dishes. I was still wearing my pj's. After this entry, I will work out and then get ready to go hang with some friends tonight. I have to bring myself to pack up his clothes. Maybe tomorrow. I don't want him in MY room.

Well he tried to make small talk, no mention of last night's conversation. He said "if you need me to pick up S early some time so you can get stuff done, then please feel free to call me."

Why does this piss me off? Well I just said thank you and told him he could go pick S up. He has this bad habit of hanging out. I didn't realize how clueless he was until this whole thing happened between us...seriously- if you are rejecting and inflicting pain on a person, you do NOT linger in their presence!! Leave them alone!!

I told my friend what he said last night on the phone.

My friend said "sorry newmama but he really is a selfish bad person. You were wrong about him. He is divorcing you while feeling doubt which is unfair to you, S and even to OW. Why move in with her when he has doubt about their relationship? He is just living in the moment. He really is not a good guy."

I am not messed up-I didn't date men who abused me or mistreated me. But I know WH wasn't like this when I met him and wasn't until his A. Honestly! I was feeling bad about all of my shortcomings to the marriage because he was such a good husband right up to the A. I know there are other LBWs who believe me. So I still can't believe he is no longer good. It must be inside of him still somewhere. It's just mind boggling. But I don't have to make sense of it today.

My friend said "now will this help you to accept the divorce and see you are better off without him?" arrrrggggh! enough of that crap!! I just told her that I am not going to be able to just suddenly "accept" this. It is a process and I thanked her for listening (and regretted telling her this stuff). I promised I would be in a good mood when I came over later.

How can I tell anyone that I still would want to mend things with him? But at the same time, I am starting to not see him as evil or bad but just inept. not "strong enough to be my man."