I feel like i need to contact WAW

[knightinneed]

Yes your right, i need to stop looking. I am feeling really awful at the moment, i feel like she is going to just do anything and everything to make me suffer.

She is so vindictive, that she is going to smear my reputation to anyone who knows me, have sex with people I know, try to gaslight me, everything and anything. Could just be paranoia I suppose, but I keep going back and forth from sad to angry about all this.

I know that I must detach and I am feeding right into what she probably wants me to feel, because after this whole situation our marriage is pretty much over I suppose, i doubt she will ever get help and I dont know that she can hit rock bottom with so many people enabling her.

I just keep thinking down the road how are co-parenting will be and it is very scary to me, because if we cannot find civility this back and forth button pushing would keep on going plus all her bad decisions.

I just wish honestly that we can learn to be civil in time and at least be friends for the sake of our daughter. I guess I am making myself sad looking at her page or what she is up too, because it is so diffrent now. And that must stop.

I am trying to see into the future and it is upsetting, because she may very well be insane and vindictive for a long long time. She is a grudge holder, and well I knew that when I met her, she held a grudge against her mother and one of her best friends for FAR too long over some immmature crap.

I just dont want to be smeared, or to think someone is GOING so far out of their way to hurt me. I think when I busted the 1st EA with her bosses son, and then contacted a former mutual friend she felt like I was stalking her trying to figure out what she was up too. I was just wanting to know information, because it seemed important for a likely Divorce coming up. But all the communication with her Mom, mutual friend, and other friends we had somewhat shared has very likely made her think I cannot get over her and that I am also being very vindictive which I suppose I was from an outside point of view. (The contact with mutual friend, Mom, Busting a Affair, were just all stupid mistakes I guess)


I should have gone dark and stayed Dark, but that is easier said then done. I guess when your a mom, and you goto jail, your baby is gone, your car blows up that is enough to make anyone crack!

I just want this chain to end, and for these cases to be over, because life is uncertain for the near future and I want to feel that stuff will settle and we can be there for DD1.

I do still plan to go for full, but hell even that has me nervous. I am really starting to fear her vengeance and its making me nervous a bit.