Standing, When DB'ing becomes unhealthy

[glamgirl]

This is a very good topic and I would like to share my thoughts. Standing is truly a personnel decision. Nobody could have helped me see or understand when the time was right for me to walk away.

At first, I found myself chasing my h and so desperately trying to get him back. Then I found Db'ing and realized I was doing it all wrong and then I had all the setbacks and struggling with what should I do and finding my balance.

Then the deep depression set-in for me and I found it hard to manage the day to day. During this time I lost 2 jobs in a matter of a year. I struggled financially, emotionally, physically you name it, I had much on my plate. All while others were saying D him get rid of him etc. Well, I couldn't hardly deal with him let alone take care of myself and my kids.

Then I started to work on myself. Started working out, focusing my time on the kids. Then lost another job and the house. Now this was not a bad thing for me, because it forced me out of the depressed environment I was in and allowed me to focus on what was important to me and my future.

During all this time my h was involved with my life. He was coming around acting like we were h and w but just not sleeping in our home. We were celebrating holidays our anniversaries etc. In many ways my h kept me stuck, since it seemed to me he was trying to work through his issues and was a major part of my life and the kids.

Once I was free from the depression I could see clearly and realized I wanted more for my life. It was at this time that I let my h know that I was done, but I had to make that decision on my own. Nobody could have led me to that decision.

Yes, I stood for over 3 years, but I didn't expect that to happen. With all that I had going on with loosing jobs, the house, major depression, this journey took me awhile to complete. It needs to be when YOU are ready.

I do believe amazing things can happen though. As I gave up and moved on, in walks my h wanting to reconcile.

I don't think it was unhealthy for me to stand for so long. I do look around though and say wow I wasted a lot of time waiting, but that had to come from me nobody else.

Time has a way of slipping away. I think that is what happened for me. Only you can make the decision of when to move on.