(((peace))) It think it is normal to feel scared and vulnerable navigating through all this mess. Find strength in knowing that you have done a great job getting through the worst part. Just try to not get too far ahead of yourself and worry about things that have yet to happen. Keep giving your kids all the love and support you can and you all will be fine. Things may not always be easy but you can manage your way. You see how far you have come already, just keep going.
I know what you mean about being angry with yourself for picking your H. I am angry at myself 2 times over!!! Maybe we were naive when we picked our spouses or maybe we just took a gamble and lost...after all, there are no guarantees in life. We need to let that go, learn from our mistakes and not let what happened in the past keep us from living our lives to the fullest.
