+At first, he didn't communicate with me at all. He had said that he'd be over 'after work' but I finally texted him "So...?" at 8pm and he wrote back that he'd be over in 20. I was pretty upset. + When he first got here, I was aloof, gave him the baby, and went on a walk. I was that upset. + When I got back, I told him I had a problem with his lateness on Sunday and his no communication that day. I also said that i was not 'okay' with much in this situation. I didn't want him to think, I said, that I was 'whatever' about it all. + He listened, nodded, and didn't say anything back. (I had told him he didn't need to respond.) + Then I decided to be pleasant, so we had a decent rest of the night. + In the middle of the night, I woke him up to help a bit. He seemed irritated, but I think he was also nervous about changing the baby. Had never done it before in his life, changed a baby. I didn't realize that, so I just told him to change her and then I went to the bathroom! So that could have been his irritation. + The next morning he asked if he could cook breakfast for me and my family. I said sure. He got all sorts of ingredients and cooked it up. Reminded me of my H. Very nice. + Then he said he had work and he needed to go. But then he said he could just do the work at my place. And he stayed. + We had a great day watching movies and the baby. (He never ended up doing any work!) + At 5, he said he should leave. But he improved his communication-- I think-- and said he'd be here tomorrow around 7, spend the night (I already told him he didn't have to), then stay all day Saturday, and then spend the night again on Saturday! Wow, quite a lot, WH. I told him his mom was staying with me on Saturday, so. . .
So overall I don't know what to think. I went from angry to happy to be with him all in one night. I do know that this reminded me that I really do miss H. I would like to continue life with him, as long as he is H and not WH. And as long as he works hard to get me!
Sounding really good Gatsby! He is obviously nervous about all the "dad" stuff and parenting duties. I was kinda nervous myself changing a nappy - had never done it before either..well, not in a billion years. Of course, it's really not hard at all! I think keep spending time together, and try to put aside for now what he has done to you. If you end up wanting to reconcile, you are going to have to deal with what he did and put is aside anyway... Good for saying you are not "okay" with anything. Now maybe don't say it again for a while but keep letting him know about what you are happy with and what you are not. Validate him as the father when you can. By the way, what does he think about you not giving the baby his surname??
HUGS!! This IS looking positive.
You and Babydoll have much better sitch's than me and Newmama where there is OW woman involved.
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
You and Babydoll have much better sitch's than me and Newmama where there is OW woman involved.
I was thinking that, too. I think the difference is that OWs mean more time. And more pain probably for LBS. (I'm getting ticked off for all of us right now!!)
He didn't say anything about the surname. So we didn't straight up talk about it. I think he knows he deserves it. Your WH seems to think he deserves stuff after what he did, but mine feels bad and tries to give me things to make up for it. So I bet he feels bad. But I don't see it as a hindrance to us as a family, unless he chooses to be out. And then I have room for a new H!
Validating as a father-- I have to say that I'm glad that I did. He did the best swaddling job. I can't swaddle well, but he read the book and then did a stellar job. I oohed and aahed a lot about it! He said he could come over to swaddle her for me at night. Ha! Didn't pay too much attention to that one. Requires consistency, so . . .
Thanks for responding, P. I'm heading off this site for now!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
WOW GATSBY!!! Looks like the sun is shining for you!!! Good for you for letting him know how you feel about being late and communication... And even better that you were able to enjoy your time together... amazing how we go from I hate you to watching movies together!
I am glad he is taking responsibility and wants to help out with the baby. Doesnt hurt that he wants to spend time with you Pretty Cool actually... Very Positive! Keep your head up, keep expectations low and take teeny tiny baby steps!
I hope this helps get your H out of the fog and back to reality so that he sees what he left and will miss you and want to work on your M. And most of all, works extremely hard to show you he wants to work things out... WE deserve that much!
I think the difference is that OWs mean more time.
I agree! Sorry P and NM. The OW is another obstacle to overcome... but just as i said its a obstacle... not impossible! Unfortunately, it does take more patience and manuevering and now you are dealing with a third part person. regardless of our sitches, we each have H's in some sort of mental crisis... but we will find the tools to help us get through the turmoil!
This is pretty important. He wants to make ammends, make up for what he did to you...
Now he has to earn your trust and respect back. In time....
G, any more developments? Any more good swaddling or other talents we didn't know about?!
Also, when he stays over, where does he sleep?
How's bub?
Also, G, I think your stand on the name was brilliant. You are a girl who knows what she wants and doesn't exist only for WH. I need to take a leaf out of your book!
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Ha ha, well, thanks. Guess what? It's my birthday! I'm 30!
He is showing remorse, and affection, but I really don't think that means much. He likes to wallow in emotions, so it just feeds his. . . drama to revel in.
He's sleeping on the floor in the living room! He's there now, with little girl right next to him sleeping. It's cute. Don't know how the rest of the day will go. . .
She is great. Peed while I was changing her today so I need to do a little sponge bath thing because it kind of got all over. I think!
I also have to figure out what to do today for my bday. I was thinking dinner with him, his fam and my mom. I don't know though. Maybe should just say ice cream. Hmm.
I think they're waking up, gotta go!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
HIP HIP HOORAY! Have a great 30th. A new ERA for you! Do what makes you HAPPY today. Don't do anything for anyone else :-)
When does WH plan to leave?.... Or is there no plan?
Enjoy watching him with your baby....
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Pretty Cool actually... Very Positive! Keep your head up, keep expectations low and take teeny tiny baby steps! 