I sincerely appreciate all the thoughts and advice you all freely give here. I certainly f'ed up big time in many areas of my married life. My wife has made that painfully clear. I'm my own worst critic, and I try to improve myself a little at a time, one day at a time. That being said, I still feel compelled to ask alot of 'trying to figure things out' type of questions though. I need a frame of reference for my thoughts and thought process. You all who have been living this horrid nightmare for x number of years provide the perfect counter-balance to challenge all my assumptions about how this MLC stuff works. Soooooo, thanks too all who take the time to respond. Alright now that I've got that self-centered gibberish out of the way.....I need help.
In a post above Snodderly pointed out that my wife's 'trance-like state' is a sign/symptom of her depression. After having lived through this for 9-10 months now, I think I've learned how to identify her waves of depression quite easily. What still confuses me is how she vacillates in out of these various states of mood and mind in what can seem like the blink of an eye. Today is a good example.
This evening my wife appeared to be in a good mood, but still had that 'look in her eye.' I could tell she is/was a little whacked out, so I kept my distance. She did hang out with me and the kids for my son's school picnic, and she was friendly, not displaying over anger, etc... Two things stood out to me this evening. One was that she had this 'trance-like' look in her eyes most of the evening...even though she appeared on the surface to somewhat resemble my 'real' wife. That threw me off. The other thing was when she 'slipped up' and told my son something along the lines of bringing him to the 'family picnic' for 'family fun', but when she notices that I notice her saying it, she immediately retreats back in her tunnel. That really threw me off. I swear it was kind of like watching a turtle poke it's head out, being scared by the brightness and warmth of the sun, and immediately retreating back inside its' shell. It's kind of like, "Ooops. What did I just say?!"
What is that? Is that her conscience or sub-conscious speaking?
