So much anger now...

[Sugar and Spice]

K -

It's funny cause I'm sitting here wondering if she is seeing OM, tonight.

It doesn't matter whether or not she is with OM tonight, simply because you can't control it either way. You can only control YOU and your actions. So don't dwell on it.

I just find it really hard to believe that she would call me and tell me she is done with other guys and wants me, makes plans to see me tomorrow night, and then spends tonight with OM.

Remember K...All Cheaters Lie. They just do. I'm not saying that she is or isnt, just don't let it surprise you if she is. This is what I was trying to say last night.

Read this -

I also think that she wants to make sure that you are still an option while she decides what it is she wants, because lets face it...she has no clue. She is in the fog and totally addicted to the juice the OM gives her ego, but she isn't willing to let you go so she will keep giving you just enough to keep you around.

then this

She apologized for how much pain she has caused me, and even said she feels better now after i went off on her because she felt like I was holding it in and she didnt want that.

see the connection that Sugar was trying to show you? kind of like tossing you a bone don't ya think?

That is EXACTLY what I'm saying. My signature is exactly what this is: Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. Unless or until she is DONE with OM and you two are both committed to working on your M, she will very likely go back and forth as long as she can. She aplogized for how much pain she had caused you? If shes is truly sorry, she won't cause you anymore. Actions speak louder than words and as I used to tell my H - I don't hear what you say, I hear what you DO.

FWIW I would go tomorrow and have a good time, but just that. Have a good time, no pressure, no expectations and do it on YOUR terms. When you were dark she was wondering about you...now that you are re-engaging, she doesn't need to wonder. She KNOWS she can suck you back in and that is a power trip for the WAS. I know I'm sounding mean and your probably not going to want to listen to me, but I speak from experience...trust me. That experience has also taught me that once you have been burned enough times, the anger and resentment builds up and it makes it even HARDER to try and reconcile.

Just be careful not to jump back in too quickly, it tends to make them run. Good luck tomorrow.