I guess I am wondering how good of an idea it is to use a neighbor as a facilitator to better communication. You said your neighbor knows you both, has been involved in the lives of your children and so on. IMO that is not a neutral third party. She may have a degree in psychology but IMO when there is an affair and all these complex particulars you really do need somebody very well trained. Plus, you are airing an awful lot of your business to a neighbor.
It doesn't matter what is in your W's mind. If she chooses to not continue the R the two of you share then there is no more "us". You establish boundaries using that mindset. What she chooses to think about "us" is not really relevant IMO.
