WAH and LBW separated and dark

[DumpedforMIL]

Those are 2 tuff questions you are asking.

why are they so tuff?
pretty straight forward, no?

So.. when you really look at it.. you are causing yourself to do these things. This is what has led us all to posting here (DB.com).

yes, i can see this. when i talk about it, it's reliving it.

How much energy are you wasting.. focusing on the wrong things?

i guess i tried to ignore the post but didn't want to be rude.

Being here.. and being a poster increases the chance for involvement of OP. I can't sugar coat that.

isn't this a great way to start the weekend off?

Once we get closer to the cut off date then we will look at options. If you are not ready to cut it all off.. and close the door right now.. don't go poking for something you think will make it easier for you. 9.5 times out of 10.. it won't make it any easier.

define "cut off date"?
when we are closer to the end of my 30 day trial period?

It is interesting to me.. that you seek out people you can learn from. This explains the hand waving and hollering at the start of all this.

remember i also said that "my h taught me how to live".
yes, i tend to seek out those who i can learn from.
i don't respond well to those who tell me what to do or give me their opinions.
but i will be drawn to those who challenge me to think.

still really think that your H was the emotional lead in this R. I think you failed to see how much effort he was putting into it. Him trying to direct things.. move forward. It takes a lot out of a person when they try and try.. and nothing happens. Even if the things they are trying are wrong.. it still has the same effect. Remember.. people will keep trying harder.. even if it is not working. There has to be a breaking point.

the problem was that h consulted with his mother when he had an issue with me.
he never addressed the issue with me directly.
so i was never aware of his concerns. he would talk to his mother.
i don't want to mind read and wonder whether he tried or not.
but when he says that he tried hard to make the house look nice for his parents.
what does that say to me? that his parents were his main concern. not me.
and when he says that if he ever died, all he could think about was his poor parents.
what does that say to me? that he was more concerned about his parents well-being than his own wife.
and that if i ended up in a hospital, he would be there for me. and what about the times when i'm not in the hospital? i just get a blank stare from him.
he can't get the words out that he'd be there for me as well.
it speaks volumes about how hard he tried and how important he made me feel.
i consider myself a pretty low maintenance wife. but not to the point where my h can totally ignore me.

But.. yet again.. you point to the fact that you know what the issue is. Should it not be easier to "fix" if you know what the problem is? It feels unnatural doesn't it?

the problem is my anger. i need to be a bit more compassionate.
see things from his perspective - the emotional lead.

The chances of it being this.. are very slim. Your reaction is a learned response though. I can't clearly tell whether you learned it from him or from somewhere else. So.. where does the suspicion come from?

because how people perceive him is something that is common in their family.
he badly dented his car once and when we went to the auto body shop to get it fixed, he asked me if he could tell them that i put the end in the car.
he didn't want to look like an idiot.
when it comes to negotiating the price for a car, he usually sends me in to negotiate because he doesn't want the sales guy to think he's cheap.
he doesn't want to do anything that makes him look bad.
he's afraid to do things that might make him look stupid.
they won't hang up on telemarketers for fear of looking rude.
most of my squash friends are really good players. (see, i seek out those who can challenge me and teach me a thing or two about playing better).
if you get in with their 'crowd', you will get a good game.
otherwise, you will get stuck playing with the newbies and to h, that's no fun.

You are still new at this. Good job on listening and implementing. When I say prepare.. it does not mean for big things.. all the time. It can be small thing. Most of the time the small things are what is really important. You know.. it's in the details.

why do i feel like i failed at this task?
i wasn't prepared for greek's bluntness. i didn't respond the way i should have. i allowed it to affect me. provoke me, if you will.

I did it because I wanted you to read them.. not knowing where they came from. I wanted you to form an opinion.. or get a perspective on them. Then I wanted to show you how they all come together. I wanted to see how close your perspective was to the real thing.

it's about how i talk to myself .. about myself.

Change your perspective.. and you can change your world. You are the only one keeping yourself locked into a pattern of failing and anger... you will have to understand that simple fact for yourself.

i think i get it but i still have blinders (?) on that i'm not considering all sides. i am responsible for my own reactions. it is not specific about who, what, or where.

i have so much work to do. it is a walk. not a sprint.