When B.Eyes says, I never want to be married to him, then I'd change my tune.
My understanding (if I got you right B.E.) is that she wants him better, fixed, and clean. If he stays as is, she wants to move on. That is her decision to make, not mine to advise.
So I'd suggest looking for opportunities to her, not to have him return, but to get help and then return. Her answer makes her POV clear. She CAN speak for herself. She also did.
Wanting to be married or not is irrelevant. What is relevant is an addict cannot be productive in life (fully) let alone in a marriage until THEY decide to get help and learn to control the addiction. I loved my father dearly for the last ten years of his life even though we only spoke a few times. I simply had to remove myself from the equation because his drinking was ruining my life and he refused to get help. I told him I love him but he was no longer allowed to be part of my life unless he got help. And when if he ever did decide to get help and he had some sort of proven track record I would be there every step of the way. Love is not enough for an addict. My father opted to not have his two daughters in his life and chose drinking instead. My sister and I went to the ends of the earth to help him prior to us walking away. We could give him love and hope each day but the addiction ALWAYS won out and in most cases it always will.
Nobody said (including me) BrownEyes can't speak for herself. I merely asked you to explain why you would suggest such a thing.
You, for a small window of time, were open about something you have struggled with for two decades. Being an addict doesn't make you (or anybody) a bad person but an addict cannot control the addiction on love and hope and IMO "love and hope" is not a first step. Getting treatment is the first step then the love and hope part is crucial.
I think anybody who has read this threads hopes like hell BrownEyes H will realize he has a problem and get the help he needs. That is a given.
