Oh, don't get me wrong, June - I'm not excusing the behavior. It's COMPLETELY inexcusable. But this angel/devil combo is also the ONLY logic explanation I've heard to describe what happened to both of us.

Let me explain:

The lying, sneaking, cheating, stranger in my house who answers to my husband's name is NOT the man I married. I have SO many memories of my smart, sexy, knight in shining armor that when I look back at my "love movies" over the years, I can't believe it's the same guy who's acting like such a jerk today.

Back then, he acted like a man. Today, he acts like a spoiled brat.

But then again, I have my own issues.

When I sought to expose WH earlier this year, it took me 5 different cameras and DOZENS of tries over weeks and WEEKS at ALL HOURS to get the incriminating video of OW dropping off WH on a side street near our house. I became OBSESSED with getting the video to PROVE MY POINT, and devoted hours and HOURS to the scheme. I was like a woman possessed, like an alien had taken over my body.

Excuse me, but...WHO DOES that?!

Why didn't I just grab him by the balls when I discovered it and say, "WTF are you doing, you lying, cheating b*stard! How stupid do you think I am?"

But N-O-O! I was DETERMINED to get the video, to PROVE to everyone that I WAS RIGHT and HE WAS WRONG so he couldn't try and weasel out of it.

It's beyond comprehension NOW, but that was MY Freddy at work THEN. I was literally CONSUMED by jealously and a need for revenge.

SO I can COMPLETELY understand this nasty, insidious unseen foe taking over someone's thoughts, because he had hold of mine for MONTHS, trying to extract revenge.

Our "angels" working together = happy marriage.
Our "devils" fighting each other = broken marriage.

I've since snapped out of it and have learned how to control my "Freddy" because believe me, my creativity + "hell hath no fury" = a powerful, destructive force.

It gave WH PLENTY of ammo. He went around covering his tracks telling everyone, "I don't know WHO she is, but that's NOT the woman I married!"

And he was right, it wasn't. I'd turned into a vindictive little b*tch to combat his lying, cheating a$$.

Classy, huh?

Not one of my prouder moments, especially since it pushed our marriage closer to the finish line. But NOW I understand why I did it, why I suspended logic in the quest for revenge.

That scheming, revengeful creature is no more the woman my husband married than this lying, cheating egomaniac is the man I said "I do" to all those years ago.

In talking to Larry, he says he's lost track of the number of people he's talked to over the years who FINALLY wake up from their MLC coma only to be shocked and appalled by all the damage their "Freddies" wrought on their families while they were asleep.

Most often repeated phrase: "I didn't know what I had!"

Unfortunately, my WH is STILL in his coma. We were talking money again this morning and I swear he sounded like a self-righteous, know-it-all sixteen year old. I wanted to slap him. I walked away instead.

He DOES have moments of lucidity, though. After our fight this morning, he showered and got ready for work and said something SO sweet to DD 12 before he left that I had to go upstairs, cry, and throw a pity party for myself.

Would that he'd turn that charm back on ME, we'd be MUCH further down the road to recovery...