Better Days

[AJM]

SR is right. But you know what? Until you figure out how to let go and set those boundaries, it's going to suck. You are doing it exactly right by starting to set the boundaries. Focus on that. There is no need to be unkind or show your anger. It won't help any. Then again, it might help you to deal with your letting go. Anger has a way of helping you to let go. It's part of the grieving. It has a place so long as you don't get stuck there and turn bitter.
The fantasy? My MC calls that "hope dope" because that's part of what it is. The other focus you should work on is letting that fantasy go sooner rather than later. It's killing you. I can tell because I took a long time to let it go as well. I can almost tell you what it is....but can't quite remember it very clearly any longer. It has to be let go for yourself. For your own well-being. To heal.
Kind of like when a loved on dies, you have to give up the fantasy that they will walk in the door and throw their arms around you. Similar here. XW? Should you want her back? Or is it more like what you learned in kindergarten - that person isn't good for me, I don't want to be their friend?
I think your focus on boundary setting and focus on letting go of the "dream(s)" are going to be your key to moving on. Really.

Have you read "Rebuilding after a love relationship dies"? If not, it's a good read. Might help to put some perspective on the current situation even though that may not be what you wanted to hear.

I stand in awe of the way spouses think they can divorce you and you'll just say, "Huh. Ok. Let's be friends because that's what you want and hey, so do I." Yikes. What a fantasy. Not that you can't be friends of some sort later in life, but for now, getting over the hurt and disappointment takes precedence. You do need time and space and you may not know how long that will be. That's for you. Not for anyone else. Until you can do those things, you'll be struggling and no good to your kids nor yourself.

Focus. There's still work to do.

AJ