99% of what you walk thru here.. is about your perspective.. Or they way you look at things. Me being a sarcastic person.. sometimes gets me in trouble. People mistake my sarcasm for being mean. At times.. it is intended to be mean. Most of the time it is directed at making light of the situation. The determining factor in my sarcasm comes from how you define my words. It does not matter how I intended it. Even if my goal was to make you laugh.. if you read it wrong.. things can go awry.
----- "Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
That’s alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
That’s alright because.. I love the way you lie.. I love the way you lie."
So what is this person saying?
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"greek's reaction is no different from anybody else i've spoken to. this is what triggers that kind of melt down in me."
But again.. you are focusing the blame on "someone" else.
It is easy to point to what someone does and say.. look at what they made me do. See how they made me angry! See how they made me crazy! Again.. let me point out that people will do the same things.. to a fault. So.. when you really look at it.. you are causing yourself to do these things. This is what has led us all to posting here (DB.com).
How much energy are you wasting.. focusing on the wrong things?
What would happen if you took 10% of the energy and focus it even on something small that is good for you? What if you prepared for sleep 10% more. What if you worked 10% harder at your job. What if you smiled 10% more. What if you seek out other people in need 10% more.
------
"I can’t tell you what it really is.
I can only tell you what it feels like.
And right now it’s a steel knife in my windpipe.
I can’t breathe but i still fight while i can fight.
As long as the wrong feels right it’s like i’m in flight.
High off of love drunk from my hate.
It’s like i’m huffin’ paint and i love it. The more I suffer, I suffocate.
And right before i’m about to drown, she resuscitates me, she fu**in’ hates me.
And i love it.. wait.. where you goin’?
I’m leavin’ you. No you ain’t.. come back.
We’re runnin’ right back, here we go again.
So insane, cause when it’s goin’ good its goin’ great
But when its bad its awful, i feel so ashamed i snap.
Whose that dude? I don’t even know his name.
I guess I don’t know my own strength"
What is this person talking about?
Is this person talking about the same thing or something different from the one above?
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"it comes down to what my deal breakers are - infidelity and physical abuse. i do not share my h with anybody nor do i believe in open marriages. i do not put up with physical abuse."
Well.. I can't be 100% sure about it all.. but so far there have not been any clear indications that either of these things have or will happen. You have very likely been subjected to some Emotional abuse. You very likely have given some Emotional abuse. Being here.. and being a poster increases the chance for involvement of OP. I can't sugar coat that. You have a 50/50 shot that there is. I personally don't think it is in your best interest to try and find out right now. Once we get closer to the cut off date then we will look at options. If you are not ready to cut it all off.. and close the door right now.. don't go poking for something you think will make it easier for you. 9.5 times out of 10.. it won't make it any easier.
----
"You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe?
When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em?
Got that warm fuzzy feeling.
Yeah them chills used to get em.
Now you’re getting fu**in’ sick of lookin’ at em.
Now you’re in each other’s face spewin’ venom in your words when you spit em.
You push.. pull each other’s hair.
It’s the face that’s the culprit.
So they say it’s best to go your separate ways.
Guess that they don’t know ya.
Sound like broken records playin’ over.
But you promised her next time you’ll show restraint.
You don’t get another chance.
Life is no nintendo game!
Now you get to watch her leave out the window.
Guess that’s why they call it window pane."
So.. are we still talking about the same thing?
What is this person trying to tell us?
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"it was too early to knock. the wound is still fresh"
Good.. I even like the order of your sentence.. important things first the secondary stuff coming after.
"these guys are both my best friends because i've known them longer than i've known my h."
It is interesting to me.. that you seek out people you can learn from. This explains the hand waving and hollering at the start of all this. You also mention cars. Again.. I think this points to the "Emotional lead" thing. I still really think that your H was the emotional lead in this R. I think you failed to see how much effort he was putting into it. Him trying to direct things.. move forward. It takes a lot out of a person when they try and try.. and nothing happens. Even if the things they are trying are wrong.. it still has the same effect. Remember.. people will keep trying harder.. even if it is not working. There has to be a breaking point.
"you'll have to teach me about this. because i'm fogged by my own anger."
But.. yet again.. you point to the fact that you know what the issue is. Should it not be easier to "fix" if you know what the problem is? It feels unnatural doesn't it?
-----
"Now i know we said things, did things, that we didn’t mean.
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine.
But your temper’s just as bad as mine is, you’re the same as me.
When it comes to love you’re just as blinded.
Baby please come back, it wasn’t you, baby it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems.
Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano.
All i know is i love you too much to walk away though.
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk.
Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when i talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball.
Next time there won’t be no next time.
I apologize even though i know its lies.
I’m tired of the games i just want her back.
I know i’m a liar if she ever tries to fu**in’ leave again
I’ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire."
Has our subject changed?
Do you know where these words come from?
Do you understand the meaning?
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"damage control for him is to save his own reputation."
It takes someone with a real.. black heart.. to do this. It is not the norm here that I can assure you of. From what you have said about him.. I have a hard time thinking that this is the case. You have not ever said he is a bad person. I am inclined to believe you.. cause I don't know him. The chances of it being this.. are very slim. Your reaction is a learned response though. I can't clearly tell whether you learned it from him or from somewhere else. So.. where does the suspicion come from?
"yeah. this incident caught me off guard.
we'll see what this week brings."
You are still new at this. Good job on listening and implementing. When I say prepare.. it does not mean for big things.. all the time. It can be small thing. Most of the time the small things are what is really important. You know.. it's in the details.
This week brought you a lesson in perspective.
Are you wondering why I included all those words in my post?
I did it because I wanted you to read them.. not knowing where they came from. I wanted you to form an opinion.. or get a perspective on them. Then I wanted to show you how they all come together. I wanted to see how close your perspective was to the real thing.
Greek had her song.. so I had to compete with that.
So.. the words are from a song.. you should have an idea about these two people singing in it. They have been in the news quite a bit.. and both don't seem to have the best luck with R.
If you are offended by strong lyrics DON'T click on the link.
Change your perspective.. and you can change your world. You are the only one keeping yourself locked into a pattern of failing and anger... you will have to understand that simple fact for yourself.
I speak from experience.. I know what "crazy" is.
Keep focusing on your list...
i will continue doing what i'm doing. play squash several times a night. i still talk to my family members. i will continue to eat, sleep, and shower. i will take care of myself. i will do something nice for someone in need.
Now add to that.. Ask yourself.. or better yet post it somewhere you see it when you wake up.. and before you go to bed..
What am I really angry about?
Think about it for a few days.. don't just give pop answers. Ponder that question.
So.. what have you been doing to broaden your horizons? Squash.. is not gonna be enough for me anymore.
Be creative.
Be different.
And Always...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
