I really don't want to talk to her either. I just wish I never had to speak to her again. I am trying to deal with this. I spoke to an attorney that said if I could pay the retainer, they would have the OM give a deposition to find out about wasted funds between the two of them. I would love to have him give a deposition. It would be fun for me to have my attorney go after him. I have to come up with the $5000 retainer to win this case against my W and the OM. I feel that is against the both of them. He deserves to have consequences for his actions. The attorney would love to have my case and the OMW's case together to really go after both of them together. He believes there would be very big results. I do too.
Nice to have hope again today.
So W and OM also tampered with your livelihood outside of the relationship bits? IE: reputation and work place? They're looking at it like a big game according to sandi2, damn that hurts. I'm glad you are in a better place, and I'm glad I benefitted from this thread. It also opened my eyes to a lot.
I think all that Sandi was saying is she does this to get a reaction from you. She knows the silent treatment, the sarcasm, etc. just pisses you off. It shows in your reaction to her; hurt feelings, getting mad, looking defeated.
If you take your reactions away, she loses her reason to be snotty. And if she still remains that way, it doesn't matter to you. You are fine with however she chooses to act, you can't control that. You can control your perceived reactions to her. Yes, it may tear you up inside, but only show her the same LSG that she would see if things were going great. Or, the LSG that would not care if a stranger walked by him in the store and didn't give him a second look.
In other words, DETACHMENT.
BTW, I'm keeping myself in mind as I write this. I struggle with the same feelings.
If you take your reactions away, she loses her reason to be snotty.
Anybody remember BatFink?
"Your bullets cannot harm me, my wings are like a shield of steel."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think all that Sandi was saying is she does this to get a reaction from you. She knows the silent treatment, the sarcasm, etc. just pisses you off. It shows in your reaction to her; hurt feelings, getting mad, looking defeated.
If you take your reactions away, she loses her reason to be snotty. And if she still remains that way, it doesn't matter to you. You are fine with however she chooses to act, you can't control that. You can control your perceived reactions to her. Yes, it may tear you up inside, but only show her the same LSG that she would see if things were going great. Or, the LSG that would not care if a stranger walked by him in the store and didn't give him a second look.
In other words, DETACHMENT.
BTW, I'm keeping myself in mind as I write this. I struggle with the same feelings.
I think LSG is fine today as he does not have to fake the funk. What I am reading is what he see's is NOT HIS WIFE, so he doesn't have to fake detachment, her games probably do not bother him anymore and may look a bit childish. I don't think it tears him up anymore, I think she is wasting her time.
Anyway good luck to all of you and have a good weekend.
I think LSG is fine today as he does not have to fake the funk. What I am reading is what he see's is NOT HIS WIFE, so he doesn't have to fake detachment, her games probably do not bother him anymore and may look a bit childish. I don't think it tears him up anymore, I think she is wasting her time.
I hope you're right, DLS. If he has really got to this point, he has reached the goal we all strive for.
LSG-^^^^^^^^^^^ That's it! She's not your wife. She can't get to you.
I think LSG is fine today as he does not have to fake the funk. What I am reading is what he see's is NOT HIS WIFE, so he doesn't have to fake detachment, her games probably do not bother him anymore and may look a bit childish. I don't think it tears him up anymore, I think she is wasting her time.
I hope you're right, DLS. If he has really got to this point, he has reached the goal we all strive for.
LSG-^^^^^^^^^^^ That's it! She's not your wife. She can't get to you.
I think LSG is fine today as he does not have to fake the funk. What I am reading is what he see's is NOT HIS WIFE, so he doesn't have to fake detachment, her games probably do not bother him anymore and may look a bit childish. I don't think it tears him up anymore, I think she is wasting her time.
I hope you're right, DLS. If he has really got to this point, he has reached the goal we all strive for.
LSG-^^^^^^^^^^^ That's it! She's not your wife. She can't get to you.
Half of us flop back and forth looking at her like "our wife", who has our best interests and simply a female who is antagonistic against us.
I think LSG has been assaulted enough by this one that he's looking at it properly.
I wish I did not have to get to this point. The real truth is if my spouse is continuing to not support me, to typically work against me, and live as if they are not married - I better get to this viewpoint before getting more confidence stripped out of me and possibly hurting me more than it already has.
I am at the point that I am glad when she does not talk to me. I hope I will never have to talk to her again the way she is. I have no "respect" for this woman.
DLS-I don't know if I have reached the point completely that I am totally detached, but I have moved a step closer this week.
IDU-I am making greater strides to the point where I don't view her as the W I married. I find it absurd that she stills wears her wedding ring. I find it disappointing that she only cares enough to buy our kids love to "stick-it" to me. I find it pathetic the way she justifies the A as okay. She really has so many problems that she will still have when I am long gone with a life that is about me and my D and S. They are the ones that have all of me now.
I don't have a place in my heart for someone that is so out to totally destroy me in anyway possible and blames me for all our M problems. I have my fair share of blame, but she puts it all on me. Not a chance I will accept that!
I am going to continue my quest to find the money I need to mount a full defense in my divorce.
I have gone from saving the M to winning a D for me and the kids. They need me to be the parent that only seeks to make their life great and to bring them up to be good people. I will try to keep them knowing what is right and wrong. STBXW and OM are not the ones to teach them this, and I am the one that will instill good values and morals in them.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I think all that Sandi was saying is she does this to get a reaction from you. She knows the silent treatment, the sarcasm, etc. just pisses you off. It shows in your reaction to her; hurt feelings, getting mad, looking defeated.
Thank you!
DLS, you know what a button pusher is? Do you know why he/she pushes? Do you know when he/she stops? That was what I was trying to point out in less words than I ordinarily use.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
