Question

[awest1217]

For some reason today I am really missing H. I haven't told him to leave me alone, but once again we are at total ignoring phase. I am mostly ok with that, but once again i hate that he won't even ask me how S is doing or take any of his time off to spend with S. All he does is work, and try to find ways to work extra so he does well at his job. Who cares that he is completely ruining any chance at all of having a good relationship with his S. Right now it isn't a big deal because S doesn't really understand, but this next year of S's life, he is going to start realizing that things are not as they are supposed to be, and if H continues to not be around at all....well this to spell disaster. I don't really want H around S too much because of his here and not here antics so I don't trust him if he were to have S, but he could change that by trying.

I am still having very strange dreams. Last night there was one about H and I renewing our vows, but he didn't show up until late. There was more to that one, but I don't remember. Then I had another weird one about some friends of mine. They are all very vivid and I am in them first person which is odd for me. I am not sure what they are meaning because I haven't thought about H and I even getting back together in a while and the dream is what brought up the missing feelings. Maybe it is because I was mad when i went to bed because I found out that his father's day present got delivered on Wednesday, but he hasn't even said thank you. I mean it is just courteous to say thank you. I did send the text to ask him to change the address on some of his mail, but I never told him he should never contact me again. I don't know where he is at or what is going on so I think that is what is bugging me. I don't want to get blind-sided by either D papers or him wanting to get back together. I would like to know his feelings, but he won't ever share those. He just says things like I miss you or love you and never ever explains what that means for us.

I spent the day yesterday playing on and off in the pool with S. It was a lot of fun! Today is supposed to be another hot one with thunderstorms on and off the whole weekend so hopefully we will get to spend some more time in the pool.

I am going to call the MIL to set what is going on Sunday. I have a party to go to tomorrow for my step-dad's extended family. Then Sunday we only have one service so I think we will go back to my parents for a little bit then the in-laws. I personally don't like father's day because the three people in my life I would celebrate are gone; my dad, my grandpa, and H (for S). Not much luck with men staying in my life...