I talked to her Dr. She said X told her we were both on the same page and wanted to eliminate D10's meds. Same old X. He just called me all upset b/c D10 doesn't want to reduce her meds. He was shocked I had told her we were going to. She's almost 11; you're not going to tell her that. Didn't even occur to me. I did tell her I thought it was a good idea to try to reduce them and see what happens; she doesn't want to though b/c she doesn't want to have more meltdowns in front of her friends. The weird thing is I still let him upset me; I wish I could blow it off more!!! Then he got upset b/c D10 told me I was going to email him about picking up S16 on Monday night like he wants. I was hoping to do it Sunday night b/c by the time I pick up D10 at TKD in my town and we eat dinner, I would have to drive to X's town to pick up S16 about 9 and get home at 9:30--past D10's bedtime. So he was upset I told her I was going to email him about that. As usual angry about everything....He said since I'm letting him have her to take to summer camps I should have to accommodate his schedule and do the driving (I"m paying for the camps too of course). He's such an a**.
Hey Karen! Its still hard sometimes not to react to the X sometimes especially when its about our kids.
I can be really cool with H most of the time, but when it comes to my babies...watch out. I think it gets me even more because of the last 2.5 years. Part of me feels like he doesn't really have the right to be in on some of the decisions because I'm the one still here, being the parent everyday, all the time, not just when its "visiting" time or time for Camp Snoopy dad-time. Thats still one of my big triggers.
Anyway, I have faith you will do whatever is best.
Just wanted to stop by.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Hey Cory--so good to see you!!! Do you have a thread?? I'm going to look for it if so!!! I've missed you (and I know I'm not the only one around here that feels that way!) I am trying to stick to X (and OW's) schedule as much as possible, but sometimes I can't, and I don't feel bad about that. I think I'm stronger than I was when I first got here; but of course I was a bowl of jello back then!!! Hope I never go back to that!
D10 is having a blast at summer camps--I'm driving 3 hours a day with all the commuting-but worth it for my D. She's going to be in a play, Honk Jr., she's been working on for the last 3 weeks, and I can't wait to see it Friday and Saturday this week. Wed. night is the cast party. My car needs work on it this week, and all the usual parenting stuff. X is going on his (I suspect honeymoon) the next 2 weeks, so I get to spend lots of time with the kids, and glad for that.
I was late picking up D10 from the park after camp Friday (my good friend T was watching his daughter and mine). I got stuck on the interstate behind an accident and took over an hour to get there. I was saying to D10 on our way home, how amazing T was, not mad at all about my being late--he thought I had stayed at work late. D10 said well it wasn't something I could help so she wasn't surprised, but I realize I'm used to X where he gets angry whether you can help it or not. It's warped me in a way--I enjoy having healthier relationships now, and hope to continue that.
Historically, I have had a problem with patience, especially where other people are concerned. I fully admit that. I am conscious of that weakness and have honestly been trying to work on it. I really feel I've come a long way fortunately.
But not so much where xW is concerned. Or at least not as much as I would like. I've been praying to God to help me learn patience, even with her. But that's sort of a foolish wish, as the way God teaches us about patience is by giving us things to suffer for -- and with my former spouse I get suffering out the yin-yang.
But I can see it has forced me to build my resistance to these stresses, and so when I deal with others I am more calm and reserved than I might have otherwise been had I not been tempered by these greater sources of suffering. I still have a long, long way to go.
Karen, I can see how great your patience is and it is truly inspiring.
D10 was in her play last week-Friday and Saturday. I wound up getting asked to help out--they were short of parents somehow-although 34 kids were in the camp! I wound up herding over a dozen little ducklings (5 and 6 year olds) around the theater. They were so cute and adorable.
X missed both plays. Not only was I there, but often I was right next to D10 before or after she went on, or we'd smile & wave at each other across the stage. She did a great job--she had some funny lines and everyone laughed. She played a turkey, and now she doesn't want to eat any more turkey, although she says she's ok with eating chicken. D10 said X called and said he'd won a medal at a race, and promised he's going to go to her play next summer...
I am LOVING having the kids this month-but we reverse it starting Friday, and X wants them for 10 days b/c he didn't have them b/c of his vacation.....
I've got a friend locally who is going through the same thing this holiday -- being without her kids for an extended 10-day stint while her ex has them. It's rough, I know, in your case as well as hers. For lots of us LBS.
I too am without my kids again for this Independence Day celebration. Seems this is how it's going to be every year now -- unless the Leap Years should shift things around. (That'd take too long.) And since the wedding anniversary is July 3rd, it becomes another stab in the heart. But I've had three years to thicken up my skin in this regard, so it's not as bad as previously.
I guess we'll all try to muddle along through the three-day holiday weekend, thinking of each other going through the same thing. I plan on lounging by the pool this weekend. Maybe take in a ball game. I am no longer much of a drinker, but I am planning on tying one on Saturday. Still weighing my options.
By the by, Karen, are you managing to do anything for yourself lately? How's life for you of late?
Happy Fourth Everybody! Nope, I've been just focusing on the kids this past month. It's easy to get back in the habit of that. I checked out the movies today, was thinking about seeing one by myself, have never done that before, but didn't really see anything I wanted to see. I'm starting to work out again, more than the 10-20 minute workouts I've been doing the past month. That feels good. I hate the holidays without the kids, and I'm just such a family person, I feel like I'm missing an arm or leg or something when I don't have the kids with me. Stuff to work on. I do have good news-I checked X and Ow's schedule again, and I get the kids Friday night so I'll only be without them for one week instead of 10 days. Still way too long though. When we were talking about it a couple days ago, D10 says she didn't want to go to her dad's. I know she loves him, but I guess this is hard on them too, the switching back and forth.
X asked for me to drop them off Friday morning on my way to work and I did. The kids came running out and said he wasn't there. I was worried he was still on his trip, so I broke down and emailed him, just that the kids said he wasn't there, and to let me know if he was delayed getting back from his trip. The kids said there was chicken in his house, but I was worried it was 2 weeks old! He emailed back he was with them and they're fine. Whew! I guess he was out running or with OW that am instead of out of town. I do think that was so thoughtless of him, they were stressed, but didn't say or email anything. Hopefully he realizes that was uncool, if not what can you do...
Speaking of doing for myself. The old TV & cable weren't doing so good, so I splurged and bought a new TV, HD, and have got the DVD player hooked up and new cable company so it's pretty sweet. I've hit up the sales the last week and bought some clothes for me & some clothes for S16 who's on his first away from home trip; the high school youth group is at a retreat in Montreat, NC.
D10 is almost off her meds and has had some rough times. She's gone down from 4 pills a day to 1 now. Yesterday when she couldn't go on the trip with her brother (she's not old enough, nor could I have afforded both of them to go!) she freaked out. She was saying she wanted to break her glasses, hurt the cat, and starve herself so she would die. Of course, 2 hours later she had a big lunch and an even bigger dinner last night, but still I'm a bit concerned (total understatement there). X is 100% against D10 being on medication. My plan right now is to email X with the details I've posted here, and to call D10's psych and let her know also...
I can't believe that your dr would even agree to let your ex do this. Since when did he become an expert? Just a year ago he was in denial that the kids were autistic and now because of money he thinks he is informed enough to make medical decisions. I get that your dr doesn't want to get between divorced couples but she is supposed to be an advocate for her patient. If she can't do that, then it is time to change doctors.
Glad to hear about the tv! Now we can plan movie nights!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
