You'll never see me fall from grace

[Sugar and Spice]

Thanks Chatterbug...I steal my catch phrases because I'm snarky, but not nearly that deep! LOL

WDID & Michelle...long time ladies!

Things are ok for us right now. H is pushing to move back in here and frankly I'm not ready for it and truthfully neither is he, but he will have to figure it out himself. I could KICK myself for all of the drama I put myself through (Yes Puppy, WDID, Karen, Kat, Michelle and the rest of you that lived my soap opera come to life) I put myself through it. I was too weak to walk away and take the chance that this wreck of a human being wouldn't want me anymore - its really pathetic now that I see it for what it was/is. I was willing to accept bread crumbs and that is what I got. Its funny, they say most women marry their fathers right? I managed to marry my mother and it took me 15 years to really "get it!" Don't get me wrong, I still love my H and I always will, but its not the same as it was. We have both changed and so now we will either have to put things back together under new terms or just be good friends.

He still has not sought help for the gambling, though he is staying out of the cardroom a lot more. He has only gone 1 or 2 times a month for the last several months, but when he does he can't control himself and blows all of his money...duh! It pisses me off when he goes so I just choose not to be a part of it. When he calls to whine later, I listen but I don't try to fix it and just gently remind him that unless/until he gets help, this is the cycle he chooses.

The Troll has called a couple of times and I had to have her blocked again a couple of months ago, but she pretty much leaves me alone these days. When she can't get him, she calls me and in the past I've called him and he immediately contacts her. Now when she leaves me VM messages (she replies to an old VM of mine) I just fwd it to him and he doesn't call her. If she doesn't get the desired response by calling me, then she will do something else. They seem to do pretty well at co-parenting and I suspect he talks to her more frequently than what he tells me, but I know that they are truly done and I don't really worry about their contact. Its just not an issue for me (which is amazing because I used to drive myself CRAZY over it. Time truly does heal... I'm not going to forget and I'm working on forgiveness, but my perspective on it has changed and I can move forward no matter WHAT happens.

I just wanted to do a small update. I miss all of my friends here, but like H4H I needed to step away and not dwell on it so much...its helped. I also know that because of the help I receieved here that I need to give back to others. Pay it forward.

The kids are good and I'm pretty good, so all is copacetic.