H moved in w/ OW. Wants month to fig things out.

[Sugar and Spice]

((Seanna))

I too respect your decision to do whatever you have to do for yourself and your kids. I also know from personal experience that it is all too easy to get sucked back into the drama and BS by an addict. His texts and the things he is saying to you are right out of my own experiences. Your H has no more intention of ending his A with OW at the deadline than he did at any other time. He is getting exactly what he wants/needs at this point and has 2 people catering to his every whim. Where is the benefit to him of doing anything but riding the fence when he can cake eat and get another ego boost?

My H is also an addict and I know how hard it is to stick to your guns when the person you love so much is hurting and "Needs" you. He "needs" to grow up, step up and deal with his life. As long as you will accept his sub-standard treatment of you, he will oblige you. Don't waste your time or energy talking/exposing/pleading with the OW because this only serves to make her want H more. This is their game as long as you let them have all of the power. Trust me on this one because I have lived it...the best thing you can do is let them have each other. Cut him off cold turkey. Get a plan together for yourself. Protect yourself financially, emotionally and physically. If he never has any consequences for his actions then there is no reason to stop.

If I had taken the advice of the kind people on these boards I would have been spared so much pain and agony and I believe that had I stepped away from the situation then the disintigration of their R would have come much quicker than it did. You can find my posts under Sugar & Spice. Its ugly and painful, but its mine and if anything, maybe it can spare someone else the misery I put myself through.

Its easy to give someone else advice because you don't have to walk in their shoes, but I have been where you are and now that I'm on the mend I see things so much clearer now. Until he is FORCED to make a choice, he will choose to do nothing. Unless or until you remove yourself from the equation, he really doesn't have a choice to make. If you get mad or pull away, he just does whatever he has to do to pull you back in...a text message here, and I love you or I miss you there, maybe even some time together. He will do it, to keep the situation stable.

When I first found out there was someone else we went to MC and our counselor told us that when there are 3 people in a M that it creates a triangle and that once it becomes stable (everyone knows & the A is still active) the WAS does whatever they need to keep the triangle stable. Until one of the arms of the triangle is removed (you or OW) the situation cannot/will not change.

I hope you have more strength than I did and I'll be here to support you as best I can, but for once put yourself and your boys first and let H live the consequences of the choices he has made. Its not something that happens over night, it will be a long hard process and I guarantee he will kick and scream and throw a fit and try ANYTHING in his power to stabilize that triangle because in that triangle, he is the only winner.