Heartbroken and needing help!

[irishblessings]

Such a painful evening. Cooked for in-laws and took it out to their home to help my SIL out. Then came home and cooked for kids and their friends. H came over and helped. He informed me that he rented a place for a week. At the end of the evening we talked on the porch about the fact that the kids wanted to talk to him tomorrow. He said that he wanted the kids to know that he wasn't miserable. He wanted me to know that he is taking steps to be independent. He did not want to be accountable to me. I asked him if he planned on seeing other people - and he said he wasn't going to do anything that would be "in my face." He said he looked forward to maybe finding the "intimacy" that he had never felt with me. I asked how it was possible for me to believe we had incredible intimacy and he not believe it. He just said it was never there and now he is being honest. In 2 months time he has gone from my best friend, lover, everything - to no feelings for me at all!
I know, I know what everyone is going to say - and rationally I know it's not me - but it hurts so much and I am as heartbroken and devastated as I have ever been in my life! I have no hope that he might return because how could he ever forgive himself for the things he has said and done??? Who does these things - who changes their complete dynamic and turn into this kind of selfish, narcissistic monster? How do they convince themselves that they've never been happy or that everything about 28 years has been a lie???? I don't know how you get through this!!!!