I am back...and finding me

[dl443322]

I'll try not to be offended that you responded to everyone but me - LOL! Just kidding.

I'm glad you are feeling better, my friend. This is hard stuff, really hard.

But the only what to do it is through it.

Remember no expectations, focus on you and the kids and keep on keepin on.

What is the onion thing you do on the grill, by the way? LOL!

[cat04]

Okay FTR if I ever hit the powerball I am investment in bio research to come up with a pill to stop the cycling….hell the more I think of it…I think a “counter MLC” might be better. LOL

No you won't. Even though this is hard, sometimes it really sucks, it is an important journey for us to go on...

While I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I wouldn't want to take it away from someone either.

I know for a fact, if I had been able to avoid it in any way...

I wouldn't be the Cat that you know and love

What are you doing for YOU....

You hit the nail on the head as usual. What am I doing for me…We’ll let me see how I can answer that…Right now, my first priority are the kids (and I know you did not want to hear that). Unfortunately, she is never really home much so I find myself doing almost everything with the kids, which does not leave much time for me. About the only thing that I do for me is read, post and shoot the shiznit on the phone. I was gonna go out tonight with some friends from work but the kids called that they were hungry, so I rushed home to cook. I made the plan tonight because Wed is her day off. I guess I should have known better…the last few Wednesday’s she is usually out. I am going to try and hang out on the 4th of July and have some fun. Okay…I’m ready for the 2x4 now.

Ok you made the excuse. So now, let's do it with no more excuses.

E,

Even when my H was present in our lives, because of our schedules, I was essentially a single mom. I allowed that to be an excuse to not do things. Because I was doing for S. Always. I didn't recognize what my friends said as true, I just thought that they were not dedicated enough mothers.

I was wrong (OMG, check to see if the sky is falling down around you...:) )

You HAVE to take care of Eric. One day a week, one day every two weeks, just commit to something a little regular. If that means you get a baby sitter, or let the older ones take care of your D, then that is the way it goes.

Even if it is a few hours to go sit at a movie by yourself, a drive up to the top of Talcott mountain to walk back down the hiking path, to sit where the hanggliders jump off from and just look at the beauty, a cup of coffee and your laptop at starbucks. It doesn't have to be a party every night. Just some adult time.

You can't be the best Dad, if you aren't taking care of the Dad first.

I’m trying to do the best that I can and I guess I expected a little help. Therein lies my problem. I expected something from her. I expected her to think a little more logically.

This, and how you have been feeling, is why we say no expectations. You acknowledged that this woman is not even someone you know. So you really can't expect anything from her anyway...

Secret? Even when you know someone really well, you should not expect things from them. Expectations take away the surprises and the things that make you smile, and they also can lead to disappointment on occassion.

Expectations allow you to no longer appreciate what you first appreciated about someone, they allow you to take people for granted.

That is one of the lessons we learn through this even though it is a very little talked about one.

Have a good day E.

[MHL]

Eric,
You know I know where you WERE a day or two ago!!! You know I know the pain and yes I too love my W.

Notice the past tense of the word "WERE". Hopefully you are doing much better today.

Today is "Little Friday" !!!! I know everyone here now knows what today is for me and I invite, encourage, implore, and otherwise insist that YOU and everyone join me.

I wish it could be in person and who knows maybe one day it could be, but for now, today please do what you have to mentally to find that escape from all this.

Cat said right here below....

You HAVE to take care of Eric. One day a week, one day every two weeks, just commit to something a little regular. If that means you get a baby sitter, or let the older ones take care of your D, then that is the way it goes.

Even if it is a few hours to go sit at a movie by yourself, a drive up to the top of Talcott mountain to walk back down the hiking path, to sit where the hanggliders jump off from and just look at the beauty, a cup of coffee and your laptop at starbucks. It doesn't have to be a party every night. Just some adult time.

You can't be the best Dad, if you aren't taking care of the Dad first.

This is mandatory for me, if I did not do this once a week, I would shrivel up and die.

Sometimes I am on that patio by myself, sometimes I have friends over, sometimes it is 1 friend, sometimes its 6 or 7 friends. I always think of everyone here and the common bond we all share and I think that I am not alone in my pain, my stand, my journey.

This is my one day a week for that "adult time" that Cat spoke of, make it yours too. I usually start day when I wake up, I literally let my feet hit the floor when I get out of bed and I say to myself "Life is good and today is going to be a good day!"

When you read this I want you to do the same.

I really want you to do this, tell some other people about "Little Friday", steal it, take it, live it. Have those people over, pick out some good music, fix some food, have a drink, whatever.....ESCAPE....if only for a couple of hours.

Oh and BTW if there is a picture of me in Webster's then I know yours is right above mine and in a couple of other places also...


Courage
Compassion
Giving
Faith
Father
Friend
Fun
Sacrificial Love
Smart
Strength
Wisdom

My friend you have earned the respect and friendship of so many here, I hope you know that. So tonight I will raise my glass to you Eric, that you will once again find peace and happiness in your life that you so richly deserve.

Cheers

[Mach1]

Right now, my first priority are the kids (and I know you did not want to hear that). Unfortunately, she is never really home much so I find myself doing almost everything with the kids, which does not leave much time for me. About the only thing that I do for me is read, post and shoot the shiznit on the phone. I was gonna go out tonight with some friends from work but the kids called that they were hungry, so I rushed home to cook. I made the plan tonight because Wed is her day off. I guess I should have known better…the last few Wednesday’s she is usually out. I am going to try and hang out on the 4th of July and have some fun.

I looked in Fourty-Seven different Dictionaries...

That was the longest spelling ever of the word "But"

Okay…I’m ready for the 2x4 now.

No you aren't...Not really.

[fisherman]

I hope you listen to what everyone is saying.

When you neglect you. Like not having any "me time," your focus wanders to where it shouldn't. Then comes the downward dip.

So, in short... order your kids a freakin pizza. Hang up the damn phone. GTFO of the house and have some fun, even if you don't feel up to it. Just get of your ass and go anyway. You'll be glad you did.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Okay FTR if I ever hit the powerball I am investment in bio research to come up with a pill to stop the cycling….hell the more I think of it…I think a “counter MLC” might be better. LOL

No you won't. Even though this is hard, sometimes it really sucks, it is an important journey for us to go on...

Uhh yeah...What Cat said.

WTF is all this fantasy instant cure wish fulfillment crap going on?


YOU ERIC are tons better than when you firt got here, TONS and with a stupid pill you'd be the same slob you were when you first showed up here.

As for not wishing this on anyone...I wouldn't wih this on my worst enemy..because I wouldn't want the F-er to grow. : )

Ahh maybe I need to work a little on my enlightenment, huh?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

How old are your boys? One is 16...if I recall correctly...or all the meth is fianlly affecting my memory.

Lets see....16...

I was making money babysitting for a hottie MILF.

I'm pretty sure while he might not like it, the responsibility would be good for him...and YOU.

Get out of the house Eric. Do for you.

: )


Is that going to be your excuse of why you couldn't meet me when I'm in Rhode Island next Sept...just curious.

[Lostforwords]

Make the time to make yourself important....

Think about the statement and then apply!

[ericmsant2]

Grit -my other brother from another mother….I’ve dusted off the tutu BUT () did not pour a drink rather had a cold one in a bottle tonight. I did however, purchase a nice pair of pink tights. I plan to wear these with my early 90’s spandex and a nice pink half shirt – yeah baby…yeah….Okay..I picked my butt up and I am back in the dance..that dance that is of growth.

On a serious note – got your text – thank you dude.


B – I;m so sorry I did not give you a shout out…you know you’re my girl! Don’t take that the wrong way…you do know I am married LOL…You’re a New Yorker sweetie and you know we stick together. Yes this shitzit is hard. I am ready for this…I have been hit so many times by some folks on this board that I will not name…(psst….can you say Jack and Mach )….that I know what I need to do. Whenever I get off track, I am blessed to have so many people to help direct me back on my path….my path to recovery.

focus on you and the kids and keep on keepin on.

That’s the plan hone…that is the plan. The boys are older (16 & 14) so they do not spend as much time with the old man…now my little girl….well what can I say…she is my spoiled little princess. You can ask Cat…she heard me argue with her at the shoe store.

What is the onion thing you do on the grill, by the way? LOL!

I really do love to cook. I find it to be extremely relaxing. I once made a six course meal for my STBXW that included a wine for every course. Anyhow…the onion thing….okay…take some nice big valia onions…peel them..core out the middle….take a nice big glob of butter (no margarine) and stuff it in the cored center…take a chicken bullion cube…and stuff in the core as well. Sprinkle with a little adobe (Spanish seasoning for those of you who may not know what this is), wrap in aluminum foil and place then on the top part of the grill, cook the bad boys for about 45 mins (or until the foil is pretty dark)….open and serve with a nicely grilled rib eye steak – it is to die for. Throw in some fresh grilled asparagus and whala…a great meal.

PS – don’t forget the beer or a drink.

Cat

I wouldn't be the Cat that you know and love

I will take your word for it. Cause I know you call it the way it is…and I am so grateful to know you. Someday……someone will be VERY happy – very.

I was wrong (OMG, check to see if the sky is falling down around you...:) )

FTR – I read this out loud and when I did…and used your name….my house shook – LMAO….smile.

Even when you know someone really well, you should not expect things from them. Expectations take away the surprises and the things that make you smile, and they also can lead to disappointment on occasion.

Expectations allow you to no longer appreciate what you first appreciated about someone; they allow you to take people for granted.

That is one of the lessons we learn through this even though it is a very little talked about one.

Lesson learned….lesson learned…thank you for this gem Cat – thank you.

Missher

First thank you for your beautiful post….hey did I just say beautiful to you. Holy &%%$^ I think I must be wearing this damn tutu to often…LMAO. Hey Grit…I pick up a purple tutu for you and a lime green one for Mach….text me your address- Misser would you like one? LMAO….LMAO…

Yes I am in a much better place today…at least as better as I can be considering the circumstances. Thank you for asking – it meant a lot to me.

Oh and BTW if there is a picture of me in Webster's then I know yours is right above mine and in a couple of other places also...


Courage
Compassion
Giving
Faith
Father
Friend
Fun
Sacrificial Love
Smart
Strength
Wisdom
[/quote}

This ^^^^^^^^ so touched my heart man…so touch it… Thank you…thank you…thank you…

[quote]My friend you have earned the respect and friendship of so many here, I hope you know that. So tonight I will raise my glass to you Eric, that you will once again find peace and happiness in your life that you so richly deserve.

Thank you again…man…BTW….I did not raise a glass to you today BUT I did raise a bottle…hell I think I’m gonna raise a few more. So your on man...”little Friday”…little Friday going forward. Just wondering…maybe we should all come up with a “little” day..I can do “little Tuesday”, Mach…little Wednesday and so on…before you know it….well…..

Mach

I looked in Fourty-Seven different Dictionaries...

Try 147…that’s when I found it 

That was the longest spelling ever of the word "But"

FTR…this had me pissin in my pants bro..your right though as usual….yes it was the longest BUT..not sure if the longest if DB history. Hell go back to some of my older post. I think I used BUT in every other sentence. BTW….do you remember the Jack and I exchange from several months ago..I think he bolded 64 uses of buts.

Trapt

WOW…haven’t seen you around in while…thanks for checking in on me dude. Thank you.

GTFO of the house and have some fun, even if you don't feel up to it. Just get of your ass and go anyway.

You called it dude – and you and everyone else is right. I plan to hang out this weekend with a friend of mine and just take a break from all of this. It is Father’s day on Sunday and I suspect that my STBXW will make plans with the kiddies. If not, then I’m gonna see if they want to go to the movies with the old man. Oh.,..and before you ask or mention..I DO NOT EXPECT A F**king thing from my STBXW for fathers day – nothing…nada….not a freaking thing. Oh...love the GTFO comment.

Jack

YOU ERIC are tons better than when you first got here, TONS and with a stupid pill you'd be the same slob you were when you first showed up here.

Did anyone every tell you that you have way with words? Seriously, your right man. I am much better..a better man and a better father…and one day….a better partner. Actually, I’m thinking about switching teams – NOT!

Your right about the kids…your right dude.

Is that going to be your excuse of why you couldn't meet me when I'm in Rhode Island next Sept...just curious.

Nah…I’ll pop up north for a visit…September is my birthday so I guess I’ll make it a birthday trip. Hopefully you’ll be around Newport. I’m actually gonna plan a day trip up with the kids this summer. See you in Sept…and FTR I owe you a beer!

Lost – I will man. I will.

Finally, as you can see above…I agree with all of you. I sooo appreciate your responses. I am honored to know so many kind, compassionate and overall wonderful people.

I want to let everyone know what my plans are for me.

1) Once a week I will do something for me. A movie, go see my best friend – something.

2) For the past few months I have put my career on the back burner as I healed and go to a place of acceptance. It is now time for me to pick up and get back to being the aggressive – kick a*s guy that they pay me to be. I have a new boss as well, the COO who brought me over has been pushed out so I really need to bring up a notch. Hence I will probably only post off hours. If anyone needs me during the day…reach out on the alt.

3) I need to put together a plan for me as to how I can manage post D. I need to figure out living arrangements, finances, etc. This is going to be my primary focus for the next few weeks. I need to plan this as best as I can. Not to control it but to have my ducks in a row when the time comes.

In closing, I continue to try and do this D thing as nice as possible and may come here to secure some advice on how to approach things.

My STBXW continues to be very civil – matter of fact she just came home from work (I assume she was working) and said hello. The civility is a little weird for me…here is someone that is trying to take everything from me – yet she wants to be civil. I am trying to understand that she probably feels a sense of entitlement and therefore feels that she is well within her right to refuse 50/50 with the kids or anything else for that matter. It is weird. I am not sure how to interact with her these days. On one hand I refuse to be an as* cause that is not who I am. On the other hand I do not want her to think that I am fine with her actions. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hey KerryK – shout out to you buddy,….I think you said leave it to the lawyers….can you expand a bit.

[MHL]

Eric,
In the middle of my "Little Friday", enjoying the evening. Just had to check in on you man. It is soooooo good to hear the that voice of confidence and determination again.

Life will throw us curve balls every now and then but you can still knock them right out of the park.

Advice on how to handle the interactions with your wife.....She already knows where you stand on the M, she remembers every single word you ever uttered about the subject, trust me. You treat her with Love and Respect from here on out and be proud of it. However it does not change the path you are on. The changes you have made and continue to make are for you. Treating her with Love does not mean you accept what she is doing.

Peace be with you.