YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!! Congratulations on your great convo with H and thank you for sharing it with us. You must be riding an incredible rollercoaster of emotions over the past few days, between your convo with FIL and H. I would not be surprised if H withdraws after this type of intimate conversation, so please prepare yourself for this possibility. Be good to yourself and vent your emotions here. We are here for you.
Originally Posted By: Mila
We actually agreed that accept for one thing our marriage really didn't have any real problems. That one thing is...intimacy...or rather not enough of it...
Wow! Just wow! What an admission from your H.
With respect to the intimacy issue, I think that you may find the "Intimacy and Desire" book helpful. For me, that book has been a compass for me as I floundered, trying to find a blueprint for how I could rebuild my life and move forward after my D. This book is written by a marriage and $ex therapist (30 years experience) so he addresses $exual issues as well as relationship issues. What I really like about his approach is that it is all based on building true intimacy in a relationship and he gives specific strategies for doing this. You can work on the majority of this book's content even if you are not in a committed relationship at present. This is not a book about tricks to spice up the bedroom (i.e. lacy lingerie, role-playing, different maneuvers) although the last few chapters do describe exercises couples can do together (i.e. hugging til relaxed, looking into each others' eyes).
When I read this the first time (I plan to read it a few more times) I did so with the intention of trying to lay the foundation for moving forward, but in the book's pages the power of intimate soul sharing came through to me....and I thought "why not start practicing with XH right now"? Even if we drift apart, I can certainly use the practice. XH responded positively, but then withdrew into his man cave.
Maybe this is a good time for Mila (and many of us) to figure out how to build greater intimacy in our relationships??? It seems as though that would draw other genuine people into our lives.
XH responded positively, but then withdrew into his man cave.
