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Thanks all for the responses.


If "sex" comes up again, I'll play Han Solo.


Me 31 Wife 34
(Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6
Married 3/3/01
Separated 6/4/10
Bomb 6/14/10
Served 6/22/10
EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10
Now Back Together 8/1/10
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Originally Posted By: CPCajun
I am so confused right now. Did this actually mean something and she was testing me or was this hormones and just meaningless sex?


The truth is you and you W had sex. Everything else is just your story. Best thing to do is to get into the moment, enjoy it, and build good memories. Do not assign any meaning to it (this is harder than you would think). If you can't do this, assign a positive meaning to it: It means your W still finds something about you sexually attractive. Your story, your meaning.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Build new good memories with her. Focus on that portion.

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Originally Posted By: Lotus
Sex is a tie that binds. I believe the sexual connection was the biggest factor in holding my marriage together. Try to enjoy it at the same level she does. Unless you are uncomfortable with it, there is no reason to stop.


Ditto! My hubby would state the same thing, I kept having sex with him. I didn't buy it. I felt that it was bonding though and showed how much fun I was to be with. But if it continues for many months then I would change my stance. Which in my case it did and I started to get really reluctant to have sex and finally stated all sex would cxease if the status quo continued....

I think in general women find sex more emotional then men so I think she is just covering her true feelings.


M38, H37
S3, S7
Together 15 yrs
Married 8 yrs
Bomb July 2008
Inhouse separation
"I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count)
Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
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june72,

Did you and your husband recover? Is the sex still going, wanted comments on it.

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I am having the same issue with my H. I have no idea what the status of our relationship is right now, but we are still having sex. I go back and forth whether we should or shouldn't be! I've been given the "it's just sex" line too. You know, "Don't think this changes anything!" So, the next time I asked specifically when he started things up. I got the response that, "Well...we talked about it, so it's OK." The weird part is, he's trying harder now to please me than he has in years... and the sex is better than it has been. So, of course I'm enjoying it. It bothers me, of course, that I don't get the ILY though. I'm not sure how long I can keep up the unemotional sex but for now I'm just going along with it yet I'm not sure I should! I don't act clingy or anything afterwards. I act as detached as he does!

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Originally Posted By: SunnyD
You know, "Don't think this changes anything!" So, the next time I asked specifically when he started things up. I got the response that, "Well...we talked about it, so it's OK." The weird part is, he's trying harder now to please me than he has in years... and the sex is better than it has been. So, of course I'm enjoying it. It bothers me, of course, that I don't get the ILY though. I'm not sure how long I can keep up the unemotional sex but for now I'm just going along with it yet I'm not sure I should! I don't act clingy or anything afterwards. I act as detached as he does!
That is exactly what I am going through. It just confuses me. I will go along with it if it happens again, as I hope it is her feelings subconsciously reaching out.


Me 31 Wife 34
(Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6
Married 3/3/01
Separated 6/4/10
Bomb 6/14/10
Served 6/22/10
EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10
Now Back Together 8/1/10
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I am leaving the boards, but i thought I'd add my 2c to this one as I 'wean' myself off them...

If I didn't have sex after fights/divorce statements/etc:
- We would've been divorced. It is powerful enough to have pulled her or me back more than once
- We would have one more issue to solve
- We would not have remembered doing it when camping, and other good memories
etc...
- Chemical bonding if your stuff makes it inside (:

Now, by doing it:
- Fights right after have expectations that are unrealistic from both sides which lead to confusion, anxiety
- Worry about a child being born
- etc.

Your pro/con list might look differently.

In the sexless marriage forum they might have some more advice

Enjoy it to its fullest if it happens and blow her mind away. Even if the M doesn't survive, you'll be happier and better coparents with a notch more love in the love bank.

My 2c.

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Onthemountaintop,

So it sounds like regular sex keeps the connection from breaking, through physical and chemical means.

Last week I got my marriage counselor to admit that intercourse between a husband and a wife, is a way to re-estblish bonding in the quickest manner possible. No one wants to hear that though.

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It is all very confusing. For me, being a woman, it's harder for sex to just be sex. After having sex 3 times since my last post, I can say that I'm not sure how I can keep it up without being resentful. This feels all about him, not about me or us. Of course, I stated above that he was trying harder to please me and the last 2 times that really wasn't true. To add insult to injury, I felt there was no intimacy at all: no kissing, and afterwards, he just goes back to sleeping on the very edge of his side of the bed to pretend I don't exist. And while I don't expect anything else, I can't say it doesn't hurt.

Should I really continue having sex with him in hopes that it is helping keep the bond alive when he's doing nothing towards making our relationship better at all?

Of course, Cajun, you may feel differently being male. ???

Last edited by SunnyD; 06/22/10 07:20 PM.
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