My game has changed from WAW to EA/PA HELP!!

[sandi2]

The only one that can really stop OM's pursuit is her

Exactly! And, even if you ran this OM out of town.....if the problem stems from your W.....then she'll find OP to replace him.

I see what Allen and the other guys are saying, and I don't try to chop that down, but......I think one should be extremly careful before they go to a person's place of business/employment (with extra thugs ..I mean, friends)and threaten OM. If an A is going on at that place, you might have more information to hand the employer (b/c if his business is being affected then he'll be concerned), but if these are your personal friends or associates....it is going to be very embarrassing for them to endure that type of drama in their workplace. It could affect any friendships in the future after that kind of scene. Again, I completely understand the advice that has been given you, but I know how I would feel if that sort of scene took place near my desk! I would probably disassociate myself as quickly as possible....and that's not to imply that I would be supporting the A by wanting to escape a public scene that is considered very personal.

It took me a long time to be convinced that the LBS should "expose". That was b/c I was still feeling the raw defensiveness as a WAW. I began to understand the "true"
concept behind exposing after I read Puppy's story. (He was the main one I would argue with on the subject.) So, if done out of a "right" heart and not vengence, I do believe it's needed.....but I still cringe at some pictures painted of causing such scenes in a place of business. I come from the old school where M problems were kept between a man & his W......so it is a leap for me to be able to encourage that "type" of exposure (but I have a time or two).

The easiest way to stop this is confront OM.

That is the way you men see it, but not me. Listen, I had an EA--and if that guy had dumped me, I would have found somebody else to feed my ego. B/c by that time, I would have done most anything to get my choice of drug fix. It's all about the fantasy.....the addiction is the fantasy. It's like a little girl playing house....(only this is the adult version). When one playhouse was torn down, she just sets up another one. She's not in love with the man, but she's in love with the idea of him (fantasy). Her brain produces chemicals whenever that fantasy is fed. Does that make any sense at all?

Don't ever tell her your souce of information....or even how much you know. She needs to worry about "what all" you might know.

Puppy & Allen can guide you through any script that you might need. I appreciate you concern about any possible reconciliation and how exposure could affect that. That use to be my battle cry. But, I have learned from the experiences of others that the M has no hope of making it with a third person involved.....and that's where busting the A comes into play. I think timing is very important b/c if my H had "exposed" me in public....I would have left and never looked back. Yes, I would have lived to regret it, but that was my mind-set at that time.

I don't wish to confuse you about what to do when I tell you all of this. I realize you are under a lot of pressure. It is hard to live as if you are not concerned about what your W does......but take it from me, it will make a difference if she thought that you really didn't want her and actually might dump her!