Thanks for your thoughts. I'm caught between not leaving, for the reasons Puppy mentions, and going so I can GAL, like angierenee mentions. The fact is that if he and OW want to communicate badly enough, they will find a way, whether I'm in town or not. That's beyond my control. I'm just so tired of living an anxiety-filled life for the past 16 months. All I want is honesty. The lying and the sneaking around is what makes me the most upset, especially since I've always told him that if he doesn't want to be with me, then just be honest about it and go. I think he's just addicted to the fantasy world the texting and emailing with her have given him. Sorry...I'm just thinking out loud. : / Thanks again for all the advice. Amazing how much venting on this site and trying to offer support to others in similar situations helps. Too bad everyone can't be perfect spouses like we all are! ; )
I went out of town, and I had a great time. I was amazed at the amount of attention I received from men while out with my girlfriends. I felt so good about myself. I have been emotionally beat down for so long, that I had forgotten what it felt like to have fun and feel good about myself. Since finding the last round of emails, I have been very torn with continuing my marriage. I have lost my fight. I've lost so much interest. I have lost all trust in him and respect for him. I know that I am the only one who can really know the right time to throw in the towel. I really honestly never thought I'd get to this point, but I think I've finally arrived. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow to talk some of these feelings out. When I think about all that would be involved with our four children, it makes my heart drop into my stomach. I really don't know the right thing to do anymore.
The roller coaster has dipped to the depths again. My husband has not spoken to me in days, is very angry with me and is asking for a divorce...again. I arranged for a sitter this weekend for our anniversary, and he asked me to cancel her, because he doesn't feel like celebrating. I'm very hurt and am thinking of going back out of town. I really just want us to resolve things in one way or another at this point. He knows I won't be the one to file for divorce; I've made that clear to him. It's just a very sad situation.
I'm so sorry...limbo really sucks. I am the same way and will NOT file because #1 it would crush my kids; and #2 I was brought up to believe that marriage vows are sacred. Try to keep the "GAL's" going as much as possible. That is what I am doing.....sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. You described the feelings very well as an "emotional beatdown". That is what it is EVERY DAY. Hang in there as best as you can and remember that there are a bunch of us here in the same boat
M: 39 W: 39 Kids (3): S10; S8; D4 Married 14 years Togethor: 18 years Wife's Weird Behavior Started: 2nd Half of 2009 Bomb Dropped (about being "so done"): 2/17/10 Current Status: In counseling
Well, tell him if he wants to cancel the sitter then he can watch the kids, because you are still going out of town. Just a thought. More of the GAL'ing.
Going out of town involves or may involve seeing another man I met last weekend. He was very kind and very respectful of my situation. Again, it was good to feel admired for once after so many, many months of feeling terrible about myself. My therapist thinks I need to continue "sticking it out" with my husband; she thinks if I get involved in an A, my guilt will be overwhelming. I'm torn....
I agree with the therapist. If you are working on, or wishing to repair a marriage, and get involved in an affair, you may as well throw kerosene on the fire and watch it burn.
