Do you think this may be why you keep coming back around to not being together? Because neither of you has apparantly worked on what ever it is that is causing these feelings within you.
Honestly, if I were you, I would not want to attempt to reconcile right now, based on the track record, because you will come back to where you are now.
I do think we have worked on our stuff but as I said to J3B things have spiraled again - it's like weeding your garden - you can't say I weeded last year so now I'm good forever. The last time we 'weeded' was over 7 years ago. That's pretty long to just let things go. Having kids really brings a whole new set of challenges and we have been ill-equipped to deal with them in my opinion. I think we can have a better M with a bit of work - but I could just be daydreaming and I also know I can't do that alone.
Thanks for your input.
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
Upside - thanks for the reply. My main thought at this point is that I'd like to think that before we'd actually proceed to divorce that we would at least make some attempt to fix the marriage. Whether my h will ultimately have that perspective remains to be seen.
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
I'd like to think that before we'd actually proceed to divorce that we would at least make some attempt to fix the marriage.
In the beginning, I asked that we go to MC. We did not. My H was seeing and IC to figure out how to tell me he wanted a D. IMO, if we had gone to MC, it would have been "fake" for him, in that he would just have used it to say "ok, I tried". Fortunately, he's more honest than that.
What we did do several times was use a DB coach to help with regards to kids. That was really helpful.
Yahooy Dooey! I found a divorce support group in my area and I'm so excited. I think it will really be helpful to me. I feel I am moving closer to a decision about how to proceed. The outcome may not be what I really want but I'm just going to have to suck it up and plow through. I feel most concerned for my children and that's the piece that keeps me stalling.
Anita
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
I feel most concerned for my children and that's the piece that keeps me stalling.
All of us who have kids have been here.
One thing I discovered about myself though, was that I would be concerned for the kids and angry for the kids b/c I had a hard time owning that I was angry,concerned and downright scared for me. Once I was able to recognize that and deal with it, I was able to change my perspective on things and take better care of both myself and my D's.
I'm glad you found the group. I hope it works out for you.
Grace - Oh ya - no doubt I am angry for myself and scared for myself very much but I know I will be ok - eventually - my kids are little and they didn't ask for this.
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
wow!!! can't wait to see this. wasn't it moving what harville hendrix said about how when things get really bad is when things are about to change...but most people leave?
