One life / But we're not the same

[MichelleLT]

Ugh. Spoke too soon. Reply from XH. Honestly haven't really read it thru carefully. I'm not ready to deal with it. I can't tell if he's BSing me cuz he thinks I don't know the truth, or he really is that warped that he believes it's the truth, but his dad is a wonderful man whom both xMIL and xGMIL both love.

"I don't know how much world news you follow. As an intel officer I imagine you follow and percieve things much differently than I do as a combat leader. But the Palestenians and Israelis have been making interesting news lately as aid flotillas from Turkey to Gaza were intercepted by Israeli commandoes and it went badly. Which is sad - I've seen Gaza with my own eyes and I doubt there will be peace until people can stop counting past scores of wrongs done. It seems much like our conversations. There is always a score to keep. Perhaps its only in my mind but I try to be honest and speak from the heart, and yet I feel forced to remain cautious that as a lawyer and officer you are always thinking about the three and four meanings a word carries and are trying to pin me to the wall for my sins. Perhaps that is an unfair assessment of you but I have no reason to believe otherwise that just [xh] and Michelle are talking.

You make fair points. Yes I should speak to my family and not appeal to you. Yet, if I felt I could without causing trouble I would have. My dad is emotionally abusive to my mom and nanny. I threatened him on their behalf when I was at home and so I was kicked out. Now we speak but only politely since he knows I'll deck him if he hurts my mom again and I know he has the power to disown me if I make a scene. My mother is cowed by her husband. Nanny is a virtual hostage of circumstances, and as you may have noticed is not far from buying the farm. Tiff and I have a vague and complicated relationship.

There is no opportunity for me to speak with them and I feel that even if I did so and said "stop speaking to Michelle" doing so would ambush you unfairly. It's not my intent to hurt you or come at you sideways. You are not an enemy, you may not like me but I remain a better friend than you might believe. But it hurts me when you show up for the girls weekend and then when I see all my female relatives I'm left somewhat distrustful of them.

So you see I approach you on this so that if you simply decline to participate in my famliy's events t will be no big deal. My family will grow out of it. But if I have to make them choose an allegiance then there will be trouble for both of us. The third option, of course, is we try to be friends. I don't want trouble Michelle, but I wont run away from it. I have given ground on everything since we parted out of guilt, but I am done running. I have only one family, as [censored] up as it is. And if pressed I will fight to maintain it by any means necessary. Can we please avoid that."

The way I heard it was that no one kicked him out, he packed up and left after an argument. XH had been asked to keep his stuff limited to the guest room and the storage shed. But he wanted space in the file cabinet and a few other places. Instead of acknowledging that they were giving him a free place to stay and feeding him and gratefully accepting their charity, he got all self-righteous and turned it into an argument about how everyone is always trying to control him. Then he packed up and left.

As for Nannie, she may be 84, but I don't think it's fair to say she's close to buying the farm. She has arthritis, badly in her hands, not so badly other places. But she is active, has no mental issues, has plenty of friends, still passes her driver's license tests, and has no other serious health issues.

I really don't understand what is with these half-truths.