Newbie: going to try Ghandi method

[AntoniaB]

Ok here is what has gone down. I told him that I was very willing to enter counseling with him while we remained separated, but that I didn't believe it was fair to me if he continued to see the OW while we were in counseling, that if he agreed to say 2 counseling sessions (or whatever) that he needed to cease contact with her during that time. Otherwise what's the point? So he said he could not do promise that. I said if she really had feelings she could wait for you and he said he felt some sort of obligation to her because she broke up her long term relationship to take a chance on HIM. I know that's awful. So at that point I said ok, then if you are going to continue your affair, no matter what level it is at, I think it is only fair to me that you file for divorce, because I will not allow you to stay "married" to me in your mind or keep me as a second chance prize if something with her fails. So then 2 days later he said he didn't "want" to but he was going to file for divorce because he could not promise me he'd cut her off.

So anyway, at this point I told his parents. I told a few of our mutual friends. My sisters and some of my friends have broken connections to him on facebook. I have told him not to contact me unless there was some serious emergency. I have not contacted him.

I am trying my best to deal with this through meds, friends and family, and therapy, guided imagery cds, etc.

Aside from all of that, I do feel like I forced the divorce issue to come to the top sooner rather than later, but I felt the only other option I had was to be a doormat. I know that in my heart I still wish he would come to his senses, but I wouldn't take him back without extensive counseling and regret and atonement from him that I would have to KNOW is genuine. I feel like he lost his mind and he is crazy and he just found one other crazy person to validate him because no one else will.

I guess I want to know if I did the right thing in forcing the divorce issue, by saying if he kept up with her AND refused counseling, he needed to man up. I felt that his indecision was making me more ill than I am.