Thanks twolf. Yes, the pastor has made several attempts to talk to her. His wife is even a therapist and she has also attempted to talk to her. W doesn't want to hear any of it. She just keeps saying, "I tried for 11 years!" We have been married for 12 years, but she can't claim the last year because she gave up working on our marriage when OM came along about a year ago.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
If I confront her, she will just know that I was checking up on her.
So????
You are the second person I have said this to today, but here goes; YOU do not have anything to prove. SHE has everything to prove. YOU are not the one on trial (so to speak) but she is. She is laying a guilt trip on you for checking up on her? Ken....SHE NEEDS TO BE CHECKED UP ON.....don't ya think? Don't allow her to throw some type of moral code on you. That is just too ironic.
So it's the OM's W change of jobs that was causing the move? Yes, I think you are probably right about what he will try. OM's W has no backbone, no spunk, no spit & fire or he would not treat her the way he does. Has the Little Bo Peep method worked for her? I think not.
I think OM is nuts! But, I also think that your W is going to have to find out his true nature before she'll straighten up. I still believe if she thought you were "dumping" her b/c you no longer found her attractive (female pride there)then she would stop throwing herself at OM. Ken, it's human nature. If she believes you don't want her....then she'll forget about that luney-tune.
You are an abused husband. I have decided that you are abused by your own wife. She'll not respect that. She'll not feel in love with a man she can abuse.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
"Have you been doing your part along with me to keep OM away from our marriage and our children?"
She will say YES
Then you tell her
"No you haven't... I am NOT STUPID"
The Sep Order will be filed as soon as I am complete... You should be ashamed of yourself, and I feel sorry for children that have to tolerate your wrecklessness... THEY ARE INNOCENT in this mess... but THEY will be paying the biggest price
I really am dissapointed you can trash a marriage like this... I thought OM was bad enough..."
ME: You can go find someone else to walk into that trap, I choose to be an adult thankyouverymuch
Perhaps you should choose to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem.
As a woman, I would spin if my H said this to me, but it would make me think.
I'm with Sandi2...if she thought you were going away she would change her tune. If you don't require her to respect you as a man and a human being, she will not be obligated to treat you with respect.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
W went to church with me and the kids today because our kids were scheduled to sing today and I was scheduled to help up front. And guess who else showed up - you guessed it, OM! I took my kids to their class and he was there too. My wife went into the sanctuary. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
At one point I passed him in the hallway and I called him a creep. That got him mad and HE SHOVED ME and called me some names too. W saw but I don't know if anyone else did.
I probably won't be scheduling any more singing for our kids there for a long time. This morning, my wife sounded interested in going to a different church. It's quite a drive, but it will be worth it.
A friend loaned my wife several books. Hope they are good.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
