I'm glad to see someone understands my confusion at times.
Nothing new. When I got home, I ate some supper, changed clothes and started to go out to the shed. Kids wanted to come out with me and I said, sure. W asked what I was going to do. Get the wheel off the van and get it fixed. You would have thought I dumped a wasps nest down the front of her shirt; "I already called xyz garage. I'm going to drive the van there in the morning and they said they would do it first thing. Don't take the wheel off, don't touch the van. I am taking care of it."
Now, the way she talked yesterday, I didn't think the van could be driven, that the tire was too flat and wouldn't hold air long enough to go anywhere. Why didn't she just drive it to the garage yesterday? Why even call me?
I'm tired of walking on eggshells and over thinking what I say to her and how I say it. How do I handle things? LRT takes a little pressure off of me, as I don't try to make small talk or anything like that anymore. When she does talk, I look at her and listen. She is so mad all the time. Not just with me, but the kids as well.
She will not leave. She backs off each time we have had the discussion. "I done, this marriage is over, you don't trust me, I haven't been in love with you for two years." The time frame is always flexible. It will go from one or two years to four or five, sometimes in the same sentence. The rewriting of martial history. Then I will tell her the script: If you don't want to work on this 100%, then you need to go. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me........ She changes her mind.
I don't want to be where so many people here are at. I guess that I really am, just that my W is still in the house. She will soften for a while, like a few minutes, then go back to the mean, hard, mad person that the kids and I have to live with. I know she is mad at me. I am not pursuing(I don't think)or pushing her. I have told her I am okay with her leaving. She won't.
