WAH and LBW separated and dark

[Greek]

D4MIL,
My MIL hates me. She didn't hate me when we were dating, but as soon as Coach put that ring on my finger, game on. His parents didn't even want to come to our wedding, didn't acknowledge our first child was born for well over a year, and still have not acknowledged our D, whom we adopted from Russia. All problems are my fault. "If he wouldn't have married Greek..." And good grief, don't get her started about why Coach doesn't live next door to her like the rest of his sibs. We're the only ones who moved away, and that is my fault, too. She has been cruel to me privately and rude to me publicly. Coach saw all of this over the years. He didn't approve at all...but he didn't speak up either. And I was like you - I didn't speak up b/c I was taught to be polite and so hopeful that if I was just NICE ENOUGH, MIL would like me. Coach would tell me, "That's how she is and she will never change." And that's the truth, she will never, has never changed. But (and here is the big BUT), when our M began coming unglued, one of my biggest complaints of Coach is that he had not stood up for me to his parents - esp. his mother. It was a deep wound with me.

Hang on... the point of this is coming.

Coach GOT IT. When we were digging in all of our dirt to save our M, he definitely SAW CLEARLY how his inaction and silence where his mother is concerned hurt me, hurt us, and he apologized to me. Moreover, he has shown his mother a boundary that is protective of me and his children going forward. That's a game changer, isn't it.

So let me ask you this - let's say you and H reconcile. Happy day, right?! But would he 'get it' about his mother? Would he see how harmful she is to YOU and the M? Would he put that boundary down to protect you from her assaults? Reading through your thread, I would bet 'no'. Look who he had helping him move out of your house! He is a WAH who is running home to his mother. Talk about enmeshed!

Stone cold question - would you want that? Married, but with a MIL who is enabled by your H b/c he won't man-up? You know already what that would look and feel like. And goodness, just wait until you have children! More ways for her to inflict harm.

I can see that you love this man, your H. And you desperately want him back. But please think it through and add this into the thought process. This man is unavailable and you know who has him. Do you really want to sign up for that? And do you really want a man who would ASK THAT OF YOU?

I hope I'm not undoing any of the Good Work Coach and FG have been doing here with you. But I do think you need to take a hard look at this.

Greek