Well, that script helps put things into perspective. This has been a real eye opener for me and I want to thank all of you for the great words of wisdom.
I've decided to let her go. If OM is what she wants then so be it. I have found peace in all of this and it's brought my son and I closer together. I'm starting to GAL and it feels good. 3 months of heartache and pain, but I'm finally starting to feel normal.
I know I have a long way to go and hopefully my therapy will help me be a better person for any future R.
Don't be surprised, though, if, when you give her the above message, she starts back pedaling and swearing how much she really wants the M, doesn't want OM, please don't do this, etc... Do NOT back off of your message. Do not allow her to fix ANYTHING with her words. You tell her you will talk about it later and you'll let her know when. Then go to bed or go out or something, but pull yourself away from her. Leave her there to struggle with what you've told her.
Or...she may just go totally off on you, DENY DENY DENY and make you out to be the world's biggest a$$. That's ok, too. Do not argue with her or try to convince her of anything. You KNOW what you KNOW, and your message has been delivered. Then go to bed or go out or something, but pull yourself away from her. Leave her there to struggle with what you've told her.
And of course, either way ~~~ FFH is A-OK.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I've decided to let her go. If OM is what she wants then so be it. I have found peace in all of this and it's brought my son and I closer together. I'm starting to GAL and it feels good. 3 months of heartache and pain, but I'm finally starting to feel normal.
FFH,
So long as you COMMUNICATE to her (via something very close to Robx's script above) that you're "letting her go," that's great. My experience on these forums tells me that when I read someone post what you just did, it's code for "Rather than deliver that message, which is uncomfortable for me, I've decided to just not say or do anything. It is what it is."
What is your plan to communicate to her your done-ness?
Well, I delivered a similar message to my W. I basically laid it on the line that as much respect that I have for her I wouldn't cross any lines which she has done. I can't work on this marriage knowing that she is not willing. I've reached by boiling point and now i'm acting out of anger. I don't get angry in front of her but my anger is making this easier to deal with.
I'm going to let nature takes it course. I'm hoping that what i've read about EA is that once the OM and her don't have myself in the equation it will come to a sreeeching hault. If not I'll have to be ok with her having this relationship. Either way, I can't keep putting myself through this roller coster ride.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
My W keeps asking me if I have any info on me buying her out of the home or if we are going to sell. I'm still waiting to hear from the mortgage folks. She made it crystal clear that she hates the spare bedroom, it's not comfortable. She said she would rather stay at friends instead of sleeping in there.
Not much of a reply from me, just asked that she be here before I leave for work to watch our son. We have a family day planned this weekend with our son. It will be pretty awkward but I will put a smile on during the day. She also asked me if next week we could take him to a movie. Not sure what her motives are but I'll play along for our sons sake.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
I'm having a bad night tonight. I got home and my W went to work. I'm here with my son and he was carrying around a wedding pic of us. It nearly put me into tears just watching him walk around with it.
I guess this is normal to feel this way, I've been waiting for myself to go through the ups/downs. It's a crap shoot if my W is going out tonight or if she'll even come home. I've really tried to detach myself from her. We cross paths as we come and go from work. I talk to her a couple times a day while I'm at work, mostly to talk to my son.
I'm hoping my spirits will pick up. I hate feeling down like this.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
I'm having a bad night tonight. I got home and my W went to work. I'm here with my son and he was carrying around a wedding pic of us. It nearly put me into tears just watching him walk around with it.
I guess this is normal to feel this way, I've been waiting for myself to go through the ups/downs. It's a crap shoot if my W is going out tonight or if she'll even come home. I've really tried to detach myself from her. We cross paths as we come and go from work. I talk to her a couple times a day while I'm at work, mostly to talk to my son.
I'm hoping my spirits will pick up. I hate feeling down like this.
"Mama said there'd be days like this."
Grab up that little man and take him to Wal Mart. But him a Lego set and get busy playing with your boy. Then bathe him, tuck him in, listen to the President talk about BP and the Gulf, then go to bed...b/c you need your rest for the great day you'll have tomorrow. The house will be dark and shut down when W comes home. Folks had fun and called it a day without her. And that's the fact Jack! Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I saw my C lastnight, it was a good session. I caught her up to speed about the D and about the OM. I told her that I continue to check the phone records to monitor how long they talk for just for my validation. She asked why I keep checking. I didn't really have an answer other then it helps me justify why I feel ok with the D. It may not make sense but knowing that she has found someone new confirms that she has no Respect or Love for me.
My C also suggested that I get my own phone plan. It's not healthy to keep checking the records and to consume myself with this. I have to say that I agree with her. I called my service provider and they will remove her at the end of the month.
I contacted a realtor yesterday to start the process of selling our home. I'm chomping at the bit to get out of there so I can start my new life. It's hard being in the same house with her knowing she has already moved on.
My W keeps letting me know how hard it's going to be for her to live on her own. She has a fear of living by herself. I simply say "I understand". We talked lastnight for a bit, no arguements, mostly about our son. We have plans this weekend to take our son to a kids event. I'm still not sure if I want her there, I'm not sure how to tell her that I'd like her not to go.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
