M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I want to feel safe. I dont want to have to worry about her being a threat any longer.
What would make you feel safe?
What would cause you to worry or get anxious?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I would feel safe if he wanted to be with me. If I did not feel that he only wanted to be there for the sake of the kids like OW told me he did. I am worried and anxious every single day at work. I have to work with her and it is miserable.
I wish he would think I was special...
I wish he would say ILY again and put his ring on and I wish I did not have to go down in the basement to be with him
I wish I could speak my mind and be respected for my opinion.
I wish this would just all go away so I can live my life
I am new to this board, but remember that the OW has her own agenda. she will tell you things that aren't necessarily true. she wants something as well. and that something does not include you. my sitch is obviously diff but there is one thing in common: our spouses are confused. it's one way then it's another. there are so many great people on this forum with so much more experience/knowledge/savvy, and they would probably tell you to be patient and to be strong for YOU. I too wish my problems would go away, but you need to know that you are a good person. the H's behavior right now is not a reflection on you and has everything to do with him. do not question yourself and who you are.
I just wanted to jump in here and I don’t know give you some words of help, (I hope) My H had a ow, whom he worked with, and still worked with, we have been in recovery now for I would say a couple of years now.
The trust issue, to be honest I don’t ever think if will come back fully, there will always be a little bit of mistrust there, and I think that is normal, however to become comfortable again, that is just going to take time, over time you will just relax more and more, and it will become easier, you won’t worry every time he goes out or is late home. Although he has to be able to help that along, it’s his actions which will go the furthest for putting you at ease, and this is why it’s going to take time, because this can only happen overtime. As far as the email from the ow, I got one of those, telling me that my H felt obligated to marry me, that he never really wanted to, and I was devastated, but when I though about it I knew that was crap, I remember when we got married what we felt was real, and he isn’t a good enough actor to pretend for 15yrs, so they spew garbage and venom, and that’s all it is, also remember that the H will tell them things to make the affair easier, but that doesn’t mean its true. So all I can say to you is focus on you, you can’t control what he does; you know what the outcome will be if he makes certain choices and you know you will be ok!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
That is awesome advice. I found out that he saw her again on Monday. I am at my breaking point. I want to keep my family together so I have decided to give the ultimatium of no contact, end the affair or move out. I am not a bad wife. I have been a great wife. SHE is filling his head with so much bs and I am at the point where I feel like saying ya know..OW he's yours...take him. He has forgotten everything we shared. He has no respect for me at all. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving him chances...but the message needs to be loud and clear this time...Last CHANCE...This is it. If I find out again he has to leave because the pain is too much. I know that I may have not done the right thing by not kicking him out but I felt as if I needed to give him that one last chance. Just one. That is it..he has no lives left.
Oh..and I gave him ONE WEEK..that is all. He has one week or he can pack his stuff and move on. I love him but enough is enough. Most women would NOT have put up with this for this amount of time. This is my final ultimatium...do you know how I can make it stick this time???
It was a more of a I am fed up so I said if you do not cut off contact then I expect you to leave in a week. So I guess it was more protecting myself and my kids...it was a if you do this then here are the consequences. You will not hurt me anymore. That was more of a boundary I suppose...
