This is a great topic to discuss here. It is especially appropriate for me since I am on of those that has stood for 3-4 years and recently gave up...and just for the record, I do wonder how I got here because this was never part of my plan.
First let me say that I did what I had to do for ME! Not only does it take me a long time to process everything but it didn't help that my H just couldn't make up his mind. This was my 2nd marriage after my first H had his own crisis. I never wanted the first divorce especially since we had 2 babies at the time. Six years after my first H left me, I found a man that I thought was the opposite of my first H because he would have done ANYTHING in the world for me. I thought he would never leave me...well, as soon as his D graduated from high school, he was pretty much out the door. I kept thinking that my H would eventually "get it" and come home. He kept talking like he was figuring things out and said he wanted to come home but could never pull the trigger (as the C said). I think maybe my H has more issues than just MLC going on so that is why he couldn't let himself come back. I know my H does love me and on some level wants the marriage.
If you would have asked me in the beginning if I would have been standing for the M after 1 year, 2 years, 3 years...I would have said no way in he11! Don't get me wrong, I wanted the marriage to work but I wasn't prepared to give it this long. Life just sort of happened and in the interim, we did have some happy moments together...however those moments when they were just at his convenience eventually didn't work for me.
IMO, it would be unhealthy for me to continue with my H making no real progress toward moving home. Who knows what the futures holds but for right now, I'm no longer waiting around for my H to figure out what he wants. My life is mine and I have determined that I am better off alone than with a man who does not appreciate me to the fullest.
Now that being said, I remember when I first got here and seing the statistic somewhere that 80% come back to less than 1% come back. Does it really matter? When we come here, we are just trying to heal and sort everything out. Most people who come here are the committed type and want to stand for their marriage. The hard part is that marriage takes two and coming here, we eventually learn we have no control over the other person. This place helps us put everything in so the perspective that we need to get us through the day...through the moment.
I don't think that braveheart's skepticism is a bad thing is small doess. After all, we do need to see both sides of the spectrum.
