Just because you choose to be polite and offer validation it doesn't mean you have to get steam rolled.
Very true. So here's what happened. The DD's checkup was because I had noticed some unusual behavior she had exhibited the last couple weeks. She has a mini soccer ball about the size of a cantaloupe that she's taken to laying on top of and rolling on top of and moving back and forth from neckline to "down there " for an hour or more each day, now this kid usually doesnt focus on something for more then 10 minutes at a time, half hour max, so this caught my attention.
Then on Sat night when we were at the Monster Truck Show she asked to sit on my leg to see better and she started sort of bouncing and " grinding " into my thigh. Also VERY strange. So on Monday I mentioned this to WAW, thinking maybe some sort of yeast infection or something, can 6 year olds even get them ? So WAW asked me to make an appt for her to get checked for today.
So where was DD and WAW all afternoon and ignoring returning, my calls , texts , etc??? Apparently Doc said her private area was inflamed, irritated and " larger " then normal, added 2+2 and came up with 5 !Unsure diagnosis but possible molestation !!! Mandated reporting to CPS and local Police!!!
I only found out when the CPS worker called me to tell me they were involved and WAW was taking DD to the local ER for further evaluation ! I completely LOST IT, for those that dont know, the WAW was molested by a relative for several years from 7 to 11 or so. Since this mornings meeting and my taking a stand on somethings didnt go over well, plus the fact that WAW filed a phony TRO at the start of this ( that I predicted she would do ) my first thought was that I was being "set up " yet again, as a ploy to get the kids from me for good.
I just dont get this AT ALL. She SWEARS she doesnt want to fight or argue,
STOP TALKING "relationship" WITH HER. she's not into it. it's not working out. talking about it is not going to make it better. its only eventually going to lead to "fight and argue." It Will lead to "fight or argue." she's living with another guy. he is defintely NOT talking BAD relationship with her and their getting along fine.
that is all there really is to get.
you don't like sleeping with bugs in the woods. what do you like to do? challenge me.
Of course I asked to speak to the WAW and did, and asked her why she didnt call me IMMEDIATELY when the Dr started the line of questions. She couldnt answer at the time and passed the phone back off to the CPS worker, I informed her I would be meeting them at the hospital. I immediately put my mom and a couple other people on full alert, certain I was about to be arrested merely on the accusation, then went to the hospital.
I finally got a chance to speak to the WAW in private, and again asked why she didnt call me immediately and why she said at 4:30 she would " be back soon " very nonchalant, keeping me totally in the dark. She explained it as that when she realized what they were talking about had happened, and given her past history herself, she went into " hyper protective mommy mode" and didnt come to the house or tell me right away because she couldnt figure out a way to tell me without it sounding like she was accusing me of something so despicable. TBH, for the first time in a while, about this single issue, I actually believe she's being honest with her explanation, not that it excuses NOT telling me immediately what the Dr was saying could be the cause.
WAW did say of course she didnt think I had anything to do with it. Which was a huge relief that my worst thoughts ( another vindictive set up ) werent true. It was actually kinda weird in a way, since we both feel so viscerally about this type of thing that we were trading tears and vows of a long, slow, painful death to ANYONE that had touched DD that way.
So, what was the final diagnosis ????? Urinary Tract Infection !!! I had to endure another humiliating " housing check " by CPS, followed me home with DD from hospital. Still have to do a mandatory follow up with another Doc in the next day or two. I REALLY feel like BLASTING her pediatrician !! Which is a shame, we both really like her, so do the kids. Her husband delivered our son, etc. But someone needs to explain to me just how the hell a UTI is chalked up to possible " molestation " !!!!! I am FURIOUS about this !!!
In some really bizarre twist of fate, while we were waiting for the DD to be seen, examined, diagnosed etc ( over the course of three hours and under the "escort" of the CPS worker ) we started BSing about things in general and somehow wound up relating several fun and funny stories and experiences the WAW and I shared back in the good old days. It was nice to see the WAW still remember such things fondly and actually smile while relating our various adventures.
My God , what the hell is happening to us ????? Why does everything seem to be spinning so completely and utterly out of control !??!? Why do we take 1 step forward and 2 steps back ?? Why does some new " crisis" somehow manage to infiltrate our lives seemingly everytime we turn around ???
Why the incessant drama ??????? My life lately sound like the most twisted , sad Country song ever written. Its sooooooo cliche it would be funny if it wasnt so damn twisted and frustrating.
I just dont get this AT ALL. She SWEARS she doesnt want to fight or argue,
STOP TALKING "relationship" WITH HER. she's not into it. it's not working out. talking about it is not going to make it better. its only eventually going to lead to "fight and argue." It Will lead to "fight or argue." she's living with another guy. he is defintely NOT talking BAD relationship with her and their getting along fine.
that is all there really is to get.
you don't like sleeping with bugs in the woods. what do you like to do? challenge me.
Thats just it, we are only talking about our MUTUAL communication issues, so we can do the best we can for the kids. I havent mentioned R stuff at all for the obvious reasons.
As for what do I like to do ? I actually discovered camping was VERY enjoyable a few years ago thanks to the WAW. But I am NOT in the state of mind to be out in the woods by myself. I also have WAY to much stuff to do the next couple weeks between school, moving, prepping the new place , etc. Its simply not an option
What would be a HUGE stress reliever for me would to go get some trigger time at the range ( Im a Nationally Accredited Shooting Instructor) but that costs money I dont have to spend. Basically every single one of my hobbies or usual distractions costs money to partake in and right now and for the foreseeable future every single dime I have available has to go to other more pressing concerns.
Try not to take all of life events as an attack...they may be at times, but lots of things are just wrong place wrong time. Look for that positive thread and cling to it. Hope will get you further.
Mabye the peditrician made the call because of your wife's history. Maybe not. Does it matter? It isn't your wife's fault. Laugh about it together...it is over and the most important thing is that your daughter is SAFE!
so you are one of those people shooting in the woods scaring the crap out of me neato. my mom wouldn't let me have a gun or a motorcycle or a tattoo.
Maybe, I am way off base with this divorce busting, But I think it is all about going out and doing things that excite you, having fun. if you attract your mate back into the game great you can have sex in the back seat during and after wards. If not, oh well, worse can happen.
but talking about communication problems?????? is she going to understand what you say about what she didnt understand you saying before.
do do do. i sure could use a pedicure. oh and a foot massage. yeah.... sniff is that perfume from the magazine on me or is it just stuck in my nose. da da da. and whats he saying. oh talking about how we dont communicate. no $hit $sherlock. whats new. de de de.
you think she is thinking anymore than that in these "therapy" sessions
Pardon me if you have explained this already but why is your neighbor playing therapist with you and your W?
If you can't afford the hobbies you used to do then why not find some new free/lower cost hobbies?
Nothing to apologize for. Our neighbor is a friend we've known for the last few years, back when things were ok. She also has kids our kids ages, is our babysitter, etc. It just happened that she has a degree in psychology and experience as a counselor and agreed to " translate " for us. We really do/are speaking to completely different languages. Even just today we needed that independant 3rd party to say , " No , he actually said this, she actually said that"
As far as any " new" hobbies go. Just dont really see it happening. What can I say , I know what interests me and what doesnt. I'd like to eventually start geocaching, but even that takes gas to drive to the various spots and thats extras gas money I cant spare right now.
I'll have plenty to do over the next couple months between new place fixing up and school so............
Try not to take all of life events as an attack...they may be at times, but lots of things are just wrong place wrong time. Look for that positive thread and cling to it. Hope will get you further.
Mabye the peditrician made the call because of your wife's history. Maybe not. Does it matter? It isn't your wife's fault. Laugh about it together...it is over and the most important thing is that your daughter is SAFE!
I see what your saying and yes of course the most important thing is DD is safe. I plan on asking the Doc for a copy of the medical records AND speaking to her in person about exactly what led her to the conclusion she made. For me personally it definetly matters WHY and HOW a trained professional made the seemingly unexplainable leap from a routine UTI to " possible molestation". And just an FYI, I dont know now and wasnt present obviously, but up till today I have no reason what-so-ever to beleive that our DD's pediatrician would have ANY idea about my WAW's history.
The bottom line is this report could have had grave, immediate and permanent consequences for ME. And someone owes me an explanantion of why.
I predicted the WAW would file a phony TRO against me when she learned I filed for custody and I was right. I even have a copy of the non emergency call I placed to the dispatch center I made 24 hours before she did so, after a particularly nasty argument. Several people, including certain of WAW's family members have acknowledged that WAW lies when scared and is prone to exxageration. Given the way the earlier get together went and the odd avoidance behavior later the same day , I actually told someone I know that I feared another set up concerning this latest incident an hour or so before I got the phone call about what was possibly suspected.
A review of DD's medical file will certainly shine a lite on any comments made by WAW to the Doc. I hate to admit or think about it, but if my instincts were in fact correct and it turns out that WAW made "suggestive " comments to the Doc to steer her towards a predisposed conclusion, as part of a ploy to get the kids from me, the medical records file should reveal this. And IF I find that out, then I have to honestly say I will go to war for certain. There are certain lines one simply doesnt cross, and insinuating someone of such a heinous act is definetly one of them.
