Divorce in 1 month Help with exposing please need

[Allen A]

Your wife's caving... let her cave, but do NOT PURSUE her... maintain that you and your son want and deserve respect and running out on them is NOT the way to show that... etc...

Whatever you are saying man its working.. if she wants to HOLD off the DIVORCE you AGREE...

Don't be NICE about it.. just say OK and exit the convo... SHE is having doubts and wants to stall... GOOD! That's what you wanted right was more TIME to BUST the affair right?

SHe has just GIVEN that to you.. take it, but don't do any happy dances in front of her... act like an adult.. ALWAYS do and show the maturest behaviour you can summon up... she will look like a child in comparison

[twolf]

Ok went to divorce court today and STBXW askes judge to give us a couple of months he said ok.

I begain to leave the court house and STBXW chaced me down and gave me a list of things she wanted from the house and said no problem and walked away with out trying to get into a conversation with her.

On my way home she started texting me That she wants me to take son this weekend.
I said that would be fine thanks.

Then she texted about getting her stuff i said their is a bunch more that whats on the list and i have no problem giving it to her.

Then she asks me if i plan on breaking her stuff i said no im not a juvinile,


Then she starts asking who all knows and who has been giving me info. I said that i dont think we need to bring this stuff up.

I let her know that i dont think its a good idea us talking.

Then she starts nameing names asking me who ive been talking to and calling people names saying she is never going to talk to people again.
I told her that who i talk to is no buissness of hers

[Allen A]

Tell her if she wants a divorce she needs to learn to leave you alone... And she needs to get used to your back...

If you can get a family member to mediate for you with your son, pick up and drop off, you can avoid talking to her al together.. try to MINIMIZE the amount of time she has to access you and the home...

[twolf]

Allen... she lives a hundred miles away.

She wanted to know how i knew that the O/M mother went to sons birthday party.
I said a wonderful person told me.

She started naming people that i didnt even know was their and telling me that she is cutting them out of her life and that she hates them.
I just told her that im not going to tell her.

Then she threw out another name and started saying that she is a big mouth bich and she is stirring the pot and playing both sides. She said if anything im warnning you she is not what she seems. Im sorry for looking out for you.

This was not the person that told me she is so screwed up in the head she does not even know who to trust any more.She is cutting off relationships with people who dont know anything.She thinks everyone is on my side and telling me things she does not know who to turn to now.

It is pretty sad that she is cutting out some really good people that love her just because she thinks they are talking to me.

She thought for shure i was going to show up at the event butt i never made it down i had a freind that was their tell every one whats going on and the O/M did not make it their this weekend. Her mother was trying to run damage controll that people knew that MIL is a liar.
Im so glad that ive allways been their for people when they needed my help and they know im a stand up guy.

Then she started getting mad and i told her, That she owns the guilt 100% buy the choices that she has made so leave me and the son out of it and just let me move on.That she needs to stop making me out to be a bad guy i just want to be a good dad to our son.

I told her im done with her drama im tired of her being mean to me every chance that she gets.I asked her if it helps her sleep better doing this to her sons father, I told her i dont deserve the meanness so stop
I do not need you to keep telling me things so you can feel better about your self. Im done so have a nice day.

I did send her a pick of me and the son and said this is all i care about now.
She started complaing what are you trying to make me feel guilty i did not reply back.

Then she texted me back a couple hours later i was not trying to get you into a argument or a fight i just wanted to confirm my theroy . I guess i will never know sorry for bothering you, I was just hoping you could have been mature about the situation. Have a nice day!


She called me to talk to the son tonite i didnt even answer the phone. I just didnt feel like getting pulled into her drama that she is creating with every one that knows her.


I think im going to go dark for the next couple of months on her and treat her like a child and make her work on getting things done.Let her stew in the mess that she has created.Im tired of her trying to justfy her choices that she has made.I will be nice butt im not going to be drawn into the drama that is happening.


Allen... what do you think time for me to step back and let the S!@t hit the fan and let her self destruct?

[CityGirl]

I don't want to interfere with Allen's advice but I will say this... to this day it drives my H nuts that he has no clue who told me he was having an affair. FTR I was contacted by several of his (our) close friends, two of his co-workers, one member of his family and his superior at work.

I have e-mails, phone logs and legal affidavits. We are legally separated now but the day our divorce becomes final I plan to hand him a large envelope and he can see for himself but it won't happen until I decide it will.

Then maybe he will stop telling me that he is a "great guy" and EVERYBODY thinks so. Clearly I have a stack of documentation that says otherwise!

I wouldn't tell your W who told you what. She wants to have an affair then let her experience ALL aspects of an affair (paranoia in this case). Once she has messed up just about every R in her life trying to find out (and your divorce is final if you go that route) then let her know if you so choose.

[twolf]

Allen,Puppy or sandi.... do you have any advice on my last post?

I just want you to know that you guys are spot on most of the time and thx.

[Allen A]

TWolf you are doing great, try to tone down on the arguments though... If she starts yelling tell her you don't want to be part of a conversation like that and hang up

Let he cut people out of her life... She's turning everyone against her... That's good... the fewer people she has to turn to, the worse she's going to like divorce...

If she knows everyone supports the marriage, seh's gonig to try to save it... let her put everyone on the side of the marriage

If teh subject of "sides" comes up... Just tell her

I am not on my side or yours, I am on the side of the marriage instead of teh side of divorce... THAT is the line being drawn here, not me and you, but marriage or divorce... and OM is DEFINITELY on the side of divorce...

YOu have to choose a side now...

[twolf]

Allen.... Strange events last night talked to son on the phone Stbxw was nice we talked a little about son she said hi and good by.

Then she texted me an hour later who would be picking up son. I have been home allot lately because im starting a new buissness and i told her my mom text or call her because i have a buisness meeting with my partner and a company that we will be doing work for.

Then she texted what company how come you have not told me about this i dont belive you.

I texted her back that it really is none of her buissness.

Then she texted back Well i have a meeting with Tucan Sam about starting a new cerial brand.

Then I texted her wy do you have to find reasons to tear me doown? I really feel sorry for you.

Then she texted when you stop i will stop.
I dont putt her down.

I know i let her get to me butt i texted her im rubber and your glue what ever you say bounces of me and sticks to you. Ha Ha Ha.....
Ok we are in third grade again!

Ok then she texted back... Im being serious. The moment you stop playing your head games i will be civil.You must have a bad memory becaause less than a week ago you were playing head games about coming down to the event. So dont even try to deny it.

I didnt even bother responding wy putt mor fight in the dog.

I dont know what to say on the phone she is nice but then she can trash talk with texts.I know that O/M didnt go to the event because he was scared to see me.

I know i just need to ignore her when she texts that it is doing more harm then good.I need to get off the defence and start the offence.

What really funny is i know that she is trying to call me out and get me mad to tell her every thing who, what, where and when.

I think some one is coaching her on these things to say.Because it is allways an hour after i talk to her that she goes from nice to mean.

Maybey her and The O/M are starting to bicker and fight because this never happend before the exposier she would not take my phone calls before and now she does and calls me and she putt the divorce on hold.

Maybey her little world is crumbling and the O/M is scared that she is about ready to dump his dumb ass.


Allen i think this is whats happening? waht is your take.

[Allen A]

Those two are likley talking yes... I suspect OM is at least LISTENING to her sob stories if not feeding her direct text to type into the phone... He may even be typing some of the messages... Who knows...

The thing is, Don't defend yourself.. just exit the convo

"I am not going to fight... you can do do that with someone else if you like, I am tagging out..."

And you hang up or stop sending text...

YES, you do let her get to you, she's TRYING to get a response out of you... don't satisfy her... You are PROVING to her you are NOT A GROWN UP when you make 3rd grade replies... she's TESTING you to find out if you HAVE CHANGED at all...

PROVE to her you have CHANGED by BEING the ADULT in conversation... WALK AWAY..

She throws an insult, you IGNORE it and EXIT the conversation... you can exit with the text I gave you earlier.. its civil enough

Just ignore her and her Toucan sam comments... she has no right to ask about your businesses OR get in a snit when you refuse to give her the information she demands...

Ignore her outbursts... would you argue with your son like this when he misbehaves...?

Her affair and your behavior are ROOTED in the same problem : not enough impulse control.

Between the two of you, you have more impulse control, but your wife is NOT setting the bar very high now is she?

You both need to learn more impulse control.

[twolf]

Allen.... I read a post somwhere that was from the penny book that you posted what does it say about couples that argue to get their point across like the STBXW poking me and trying to get me into fights.

I know the LRT killed allot of my stich by being nice and not confronting butt I know that im in the corner and fighting And things are changing.

Heck do women even respect a man trying to win them back she allways says that she thinks that i think she is a prize. When she says that i allways say to me you are, She allways throws that out their every time she gets me into an argument.

Do you think i should tell her wy i think she is a prize the next time?