W: I feel unattractive. YOU: Sorry you feel that way. Anything I can do?
You are validating her feelings and leaving the door open for her to come to you and let you know what you can do. If she says nothing, well, then it is nothing. If she communicates something to you then GREAT.
This is "turning things around a bit" because you are giving her the option to open up to you or not. If she chooses not to then do nothing. If she chooses to then you can go from there.
You have said multiple times you are asking for "heavy hitting" responses to your W's grunts. So I gave you one then you said you are already doing that. Not sure what else you are asking for.
Other than your W doing things around the house (and this is happening because she wants a party) and her doing more with you outside of the house because you ask her to what has really changed? That is why I suggested you do less with her. If she wants to keep doing things outside of the house with you then IMO you will need to see if she initiates in a way that is not riddled with entitlement or dread. She is not receptive to any form of very brief physical touch and she has not really offered you any affirmation.
Of course you can't rush things but that, IMO, is why you need to offer less and see where you are at.
Improving communication is important but as long as the underlying issues are present then eventually things will halt.
My advice to you would be as follows:
Participate in other threads. It will give you new ideas for your own situation and it's nice to offer the same that you have gotten for some time now.
Practice your validation, appreciation and communication skills here and in other areas of your life other than with your W.
Do more for you and build things in your life other than work that don't involve your W.
Step back and see if she initiates anything (it could be as simple as HER doing one nice thing for you or asking you to go somewhere that is not related to errands). IMO it is time for a temperature check. Right now she is used to the dynamic of you doing all the work, suggesting and initiating. See what happens if you cool off on that for a bit. That doesn't mean ignore or exclude her but see if she does more when you do less.
I get the feeling you see this is very black and white and it really isn't. Work in shades of gray.
