[hoosiermama]

fwiw, Smiley...your quote describes my xH precisely.

he's particularly good at continuing to look good, too. as a chaplain, he comes across as compassionate and empathetic...but it's all about just that--how he comes across. expectation of automatic compliance, talking about family as if bearing heroic responsibility. he was recommended for priesthood 4 months AFTER he left in large part of his "commitment to family and example as a good spouse and father."

the only time I ever felt physically threatened by him was when I threatened to expose to his work colleagues (since this was happening at work)--and he got in my face and screamed and threatened me.

I see some amazing similarities with your stbx.