When an affair is started, a WS has three paths they can take :
a. Keep the marriage AND pursue the affair in secret as much as possible b. Pursue divorce and roll the dice with OW c. End the affair and explore rebuilding the marriage
Your husband right now is doing A, you may think he's doing B, but he's not...
The thing is a) is a LOT more attractiev than B or C.... with A you can have your marriage and your affair partner too... BOTH.. ie : cake eating
To commit to B or C is a huge leap... you have to go through divorce or family therapy... who wants to do that? It's expensive, painful, and time consuming... why nto go back to A which is a LOT easier on ME!
He's going to keep slipping back to A as long as you allow it...
When you send out that letter, you are telling him he can't have his marriage and his affair too... You are FORCING him to look at B or C as the only option...
He's going to KICK and SCREAM to get A back...
You have to resist the temptation to let him have both the affair and his marriage... ANY CONTACT gives him A again...
Eventually he is in my opinion likely to choose B, I would say 75% of the time.. IF you can keep up the protection phase...
It's addiction, he wants A, its EASY... its comfortable, its CONVENIENT...
