this dim/dark stuff is so not me...but it has it's place and it has helped me to detach more.
You summed this up well.
David Schnarch talks about genuine communication in his book "Intimacy and Desire". (Great book, although this book is geared toward couples who are together.) For awhile this spring I tried to communicate with XH this way......and I could see in his eyes that it made a difference with him. He became more receptive,........... but then he withdrew. I think having his feelings bubble up scared him back into his bat cave.....I'm not offering any judgements or advice for how to proceed. Just offering data from my sitch.
I talked with Jody (DB coach) today. She is always SO good to talk to. I couldn't have made it through the past 1 1/2 years without her. She said that while my XH is in his current state of withdrawal that I should keep everything light in writing and conversation. She said to match XH's tone and length of communication. Let him initiate and take the lead. My XH is depressed so she said I should validate his sorrow over his mother's failing health with brief, sincere statements, then distract him with fun conversation rather than letting him wallow in depressive thoughts. That way, he will associate pleasant feelings with out interactions. ......Maybe some of these ideas will be helpful to someone else out there.
