Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

DLS,

I hope I have truly changed mindsets. I am doing my best. I still have conflicting emotions, and I believe that I will for a very long time to come.

I have to have the strength to make it through this to the end no matter the outcome. I need to believe that my kids will know that I did everything I could to be with them even if I lose at the hearing and in the end. I have to fight for them. They need a parent that puts them first as I have always done.

DLS - You are doing your best as any of us can here. Feeling and emotions take the longest to change in any sitch. You will be okay. Keep making the changes you need for yourself.

[CityGirl]

Hi Friend!

The day my counter suit went out I think I had 10 strokes. But you know what? It was fine. Too bad if H was pissed. Too bad if your W was pissed. You had to execute an action (having her served) and this action is now complete. All in all it wasn't so bad, right? You had information to deliver to your W according to legal policy and procedure and now your W has the information intended for her.

I know this sounds cold but this is one thing my attny really helped me with. In a divorce case paperwork is going to have to be exchanged via the attnys or process servers. It is simply how things are done. You (me, anybody!) can be riddled with stress while the paperwork is being exchanged or not. Either way the paperwork has to be exchanged or served.

Now at the time I felt like telling him (him = my attny) to F OFF because we all know it's not *just* paperwork but a life, family and marriage. If you can start to separate the admin. stuff from the emotional stuff I do think you will have less "crossover stress" (yes, my attny had a name for everything, lol!).

I know it seems like hell now. And it might seem like hell for a while. What helped me was to realize certain things only had to happen once. You only have to get served for a divorce once. You only have to respond once and so on. And once that action is done, well, it's done.

Sending many good thoughts your way!

[LSG]

Hi CG,

It was not too bad. I hate to say it, but it actually felt pretty good. I am more focused on myself today and the kids.

You are so right that it had to be done. It is over, and now I have to look forward to her next step. I will see I am sure soon. I have to separate from everything because the is good for no one in my family. It was "hell" yesterday, but today is another day.

Thanks for the goods thoughts!!! It helps me alot because you have gone through alot and show so much strength and dignity.

[CityGirl]

If dignity is sitting in the corner of an attnys office sobbing for 15 min. then, yup, I got that

It is hell. It will be okay but for now it is like hell. There is a quote in a signature (maybe Antlers?) that basically says if you are in hell just keep on walking!

[LSG]

CG,

Look at you now! You seem to being doing great to me.

You may have had your moments and still do, but are you the same person that was in the "attnys office sobbing for 15 min?" I don't think you are.

[idontunderstand]

You may have had your moments and still do, but are you the same person that was in the "attnys office sobbing for 15 min?" I don't think you are.

No, she's not. She is doing great because she knows she has to.

You will get there also. So will I.

Because we have to.

Do we want this? No.

Do we want to put our kids through this? No.

Do we want our kids to grow up knowing that we did all we could and that we were strong for them?

YES.

We will become better people; fathers, mothers, friends and, eventually, partners with someone who values us for who we are and who we have become.

[LSG]

Absolutely!

[LSG]

W tonight comes home and says nothing to me. She is absolutely quiet. It is the same way every night. Kids and I were having fun looking at items from my childhood.

I do wonder what her silence means from time to time. I do not know what she is thinking. Does someone know the best way to deal with her at this point? I am quiet too, so nothing changes, and I guess it will not at this time.

She did not seem bothered tonight by the court documents. She did not call her parents as usual. She was more distant from kids.

Anyone have any ideas what this means for her.

I just want any thoughts on if this fits the script of the WAWs having an affair and committed to D.

Thanks for the comments ahead of time!

[idontunderstand]

Ahh, the silent treatment. Gotta love it!

I get the same thing every day. When she occasionally want to talk about something, I stop all that I am doing, look her in the eyes and listen. Of course, within an hour or so, she's back to ignoring me. She doesn't tell me good-night or good-bye. I will say see ya tonight, and she says, okay.

I try to look at it as if it were someone I didn't know. I wouldn't care if she spoke, even if it were just being polite. Let her be.

I know you read my thread so you know I am having some of the same problems. I don't handle it as well as I know I should. I keep trying.

[sandi2]

It's no fun at all if a woman gives a man the silent treatment and it doesn't bother him. What would be the point in that?

She's gotta know it's just eating him up, in order to continue the treatment. (hint-hint)