Saner today. Took my Xanax to work with me 'just in case', but didn't have to take any. I've been reading and re-reading everyone's strings. They usually give me the lift I need to make it through another day.
My husband is under the impression that i am waiting until November to let the divorce go through because it will mark our 20th anniversery and I become eligible for more benefits through the Army. My children think the same thing. The truth is, at this moment, I do not want a divorce period. I know I can't cross that bridge until I come to it, but i can't help worrying that my WH is just laying low until November.
If that is the case, then my 'staying dark' with him doesn't really matter, does it? I know no one can predict the future, but I really feel in my heart that we are meant to be together. The first ( 8 years ago) affair ended and he came home. But I read in someone else's string that "How can someone be your soul-mate and cheat on you?"
So many contradictions between my head and my heart. I stay confused, even on my best days. Any one else feel that way?
