My question is am I totally cray for wanting to work things out on any level? Should I just kind of withdraw and realize that it's not worth saving? It kills me because I can't stop feeling like he would treat someone else better and that i was just a failure... I realize that's the abuse talking but I can't seem to get myself to snap out of it.
You are not crazy. And it is the abuse that is making you think that way. Your self-esteem has been shattered and you don't know what to do because even during the abuse, he was there to pick you back up after he knocked you down.
I think you need to think about this: get YOURSELF healed FIRST. If you try to keep this relationship going, while you are still so mentally shattered, you'll always be in this place you are in now.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
This is something I don't have an answer to. Many who work with abuse victims will say no. In my own situation, my abuse happened many years when I was a teen and the guy who did it is long since gone (died in a car crash, only death - his fault, and it scared me how much I felt glad yet guilty for feeling that way at the same time). So I don't know.
This is a question I think you need to think about with the help of a professional AFTER dealing with your own issues first. I do think, personally, that trying to have a healthy relationship RIGHT NOW is impossible.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
well i just got back form the gym and i have a belly dancing gig on the air force base for a bunch of cute, young airmen. Not mean old men like my STBX!! YAY
my husband showed up yesterday at my doorstep with an open beer in his hand and two speeding tickets that got mailed to him from me that i have to pay. after not speaking to me or calling since last tuesday. it was like he wanted to take me out or something. i was disgusted, you guys. i told him i wasn't going to be jumping through hoops to save our marriage anymore. i told him i wasn't getting a job to pay for his weekend vacational house and to have fun at his pagan drum party. what a loser. Then we started fighting and i asked him to leave. I'm actually really getting over him! He even looked stupid to me. Not good looking liek he used to. Isn;t that a sign your getting over someone? they start to actually look different to you? he looked like shaggy form scooby doo or something!!
my husband showed up yesterday at my doorstep with an open beer in his hand and two speeding tickets that got mailed to him from me that i have to pay. after not speaking to me or calling since last tuesday. it was like he wanted to take me out or something. i was disgusted, you guys. i told him i wasn't going to be jumping through hoops to save our marriage anymore. i told him i wasn't getting a job to pay for his weekend vacational house and to have fun at his pagan drum party. what a loser. Then we started fighting and i asked him to leave. I'm actually really getting over him! He even looked stupid to me. Not good looking liek he used to. Isn;t that a sign your getting over someone? they start to actually look different to you? he looked like shaggy form scooby doo or something!!
Glad you stood up for yourself! Be careful with the fighting, though. If he's been physical before, I'd be nervous he'd do it again. Make sure you two aren't having heated discussions isolated inside the house.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
so my attorney drafted up my settlemenet agreement and i aske dhim to wait until monsay to send it. I feel weird about it. he called yesterday to tell me he had a new insuarance card for me and to get it from him sometime or something. i dont know why he didnt just mail it to me. now i keep dreaming about him. i started dating this really sweet guy but its all weird because i'm still hung up on x i think... this is so hard.... if i am divorce busting how should i act when he calls? i dont think there is any hope yet, how can one tell if there is without asking?
